DH doesn't have time for me

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2010
DH doesn't have time for me
30
Thu, 01-06-2011 - 2:04pm

I am at a loss. DH and I have spent hardly any time together since we got married minus a week together at Christmas that was great. He's either at work or studying - desperately trying to get his masters degree done before his major boards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2010
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 12:01pm

We talked last night a little and he said he's going to try.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-07-2008
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 10:08pm
I hope he puts in the effort and things get better. Have you thought about trying to find ways to make friends there so you have other people to spend some time with?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2010
Mon, 01-10-2011 - 12:50pm

I really don't have any way to make friends, so I'm done trying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
Mon, 01-10-2011 - 5:12pm

You'll never be happy with an attitude like that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 9:36am
I agree with Jess. It seems like you have just given up but you can't do that. You can't settle for being unhappy. Life is WAY too short for that. If you are unhappy, you have to work to make yourself happy. Ultimately, our happiness in life is completely up to us. No one else can do it for us. Figure out what you need to be happy and work towards getting it. If the way your life is right now is making it impossible to be happy then you need to figure out the things in your life that you are willing to change. You happiness is worth it!! YOU are worth it!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2010
Wed, 01-12-2011 - 1:48pm

Look, I gave up my life for a husband who isn't around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Wed, 01-12-2011 - 2:45pm

First off, I'm sorry that you are feeling this way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2011
Wed, 01-12-2011 - 5:49pm

The life of a military wife can be frustrating and difficult at times. In the year and a half that mu husband and I have had our share of problems most I believe are because we are so young Im 22 and he is 21. We recently had the same problem only a little different. He was busy with work and in his free time he all he wanted to do was spend time with his friends. To make matters worse I found out I was pregnant, dont get me wrong I am completely excited about having a baby, but all the hormones surging through my body didnt help the problems we were already having, and made me realize that I was going to school full time, taking care of our two puppies, and doing all of the cooking and cleaning around the house. Hopefully you can try a date night or spending a day together and try talking to him about how busy he is and explain that it is straining your relationship. my husbands shock came when I cornered him in the shower because that was the only place I could talk to him and told him that i regreted marrying him and was leaving to stay with my best friend until he found the time to fit me back in his life. I am not recommending that you leave your husband at all, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in feeling like you dont

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
Wed, 01-12-2011 - 7:40pm

Maybe those things you mentioned aren't your fault and aren't fixable.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Thu, 01-13-2011 - 11:52am
I agree with everything that Jess said.

And, I'd also like to add that it IS fixable. If you are completely unhappy with your life now, you need to make the necessary changes in that life in order to be happy. If that means leaving this life and going back to your old life, that's what you have to do. The way it is right now, you are unhappy and resentment is going to build up and do damage that may not be able to be undone.

How long have you been married? I'm only asking because if you are new to all of this, it might be a simple case of having to adjust to this whole new life and that's something that just takes time. I think every military wife who had to leave a life that they built to follow their husband goes through the same thing you are going through. It's not easy. But, giving up isn't the answer.

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