divorce and deployment

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2011
divorce and deployment
6
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 4:28pm
Ladies please help My husband and I have been together for 6 years We just bought a house and I had a 9 year old son my husband was on a 6 week training leave before his deployment and was supposed to come home for 2 weeks before his deployment while he was gone on training everything seems fine until the last week he was there when he was supposed to come down he never did and he told me he didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce before he goes please keep in mind we have never had any problems we never fight or anything we have been l distance from each other the past few months do to the new home andthe deployment this will be our first deployment I do not want a divorce I care about keeping my family together I feel as if something happen while he was gone because he has changed I cannot believe it's another female I believe it has to do with the deployment please help I don't know what else to do I need medical insurance and I can't afford the bills on my own I just want him to come home.
Community Leader
Registered: 07-07-2008
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 5:00pm
I'm sorry you are going through this right now. Have you tried to talk to him about it? I'm guessing that he's due to leave very soon for the deployment. I'd imagine it would be hard to get a divorce done that quickly, but I have heard of soldiers getting divorced while deployed, so that doesn't mean the deployment will stop it from happening at this time.

Perhaps you can talk to him some and try to see if he would be willing to try to work things out. Maybe counseling when he gets back. I have seen/heard of soldiers that have some pretty major changes because of deployments.

I can only imagine what you are going through right now. I hope you have an opportunity to talk to him some more to try to sort things out. (((HUGS)))
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2011
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 5:20pm
I as well let's play in that we can work it out considering we had a christian relationship He is gone already and he did file when he was home he did not spend anytime with us his friends or family he did not talk to me about the situation just a that it was done that's all he could say get over it it's done that is not like him I'm just so heart broken I was having a difficult time dealing with the deployment and now I didn't even get to say goodbye he didn't even come see my son from a previous relationship and that hurts _
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 6:34pm

I don't know the answers but I am praying for you and your dh!

Community Leader
Registered: 07-07-2008
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 7:07pm
I'm so sorry that it's come to that. I don't really know what other options you have since he's already filed. It definitely sounds like something is going on with him (to suddenly go for a divorce and not see friends/family before deploying).

I hope you can find the strength you need to get through this and eventually get some answers about what happened. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Thu, 03-31-2011 - 10:08am
I am sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, there is not a lot that you can do if he has his mind made up. Whatever it is that is causing him to do this is on him. Don't waste your time trying to figure out why he's doing this. Just focus on yourself and your child and figure out what you are going to do.

You will still have all of your benefits until the divorce is final. I would make sure to get in any appts you need during this time (yearly woman exam, dental exams, eye exams, etc).

Also, you have access to counseling. I would take advantage of that. Having a professional's guidance can be a lot of help in situations like this.

What post/base are you on? A lot of places have help things like resume building, job hunting, interview skills, etc. You can get on touch with ACS (Army Community Services in the Army, I'm sure other branches have something similar) and see what services they offer.

There are a lot of resources out there that can be a huge help in a situation like this. You just have to get the strength and courage to reach out for help. Again, you have access to all this until the divorce is final.

Good luck to you. If you need any specific help, let us know. We can try to point you in the right direction.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2011
Sun, 04-03-2011 - 8:17pm
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Thats a really weird situation.I am willing to bet it has something to do with being scared of deploying. Maybe he's scared that something will happen to him on deployment and thinks that if he isn't married to you than it wont hurt you? All you can really do is make it difficult for the devorce to finalize. Maybe you could send him an email or letter reminding him of all the negatives of devorce? And look up the laws about devorce for your state. I know CA has a 6 month waiting period between when you file and when its finalized. You might want to talk to a devorce lawyer so you don't unknowingly screw yourself. It seems to me like this wasn't a planned out thing and at anytime he could come to and realize what he's doing. It sucks no matter what so TRY and keep your head up.