Family and the New Baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
Family and the New Baby
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 9:51am

Hi ladies, this question is specifically for those of you with children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2008
Thu, 02-24-2011 - 9:13pm
Hey Jess.. ofcourse I don't have kids, but wanted to chime in (because well, I can)! lol.

I just wanted to tell you from an outside perspective that I totally agree with everything these ladies are telling you and to reiterate that you do NOT need to feel guilty about the decisions you make regarding what is best for you and your family.

Your MIL needs to respect the fact that there are just some things that your mom will be allowed to do, that she won't (easier said than done for her to be respectful, but you can hope)!

Don't feel guilty over not being either able or willing to travel to see great-grandparents for baby either... you have a lot on your plate w/ the baby's surgery and keeping your energy level up, and stress level down. Anyone who can't understand that the baby's welfare is more important than them seeing the baby, doesn't deserve to see them! And they definately don't have a right to be mad about that. What you are doing in not wanting to travel is TOTALLY understandable (to me atleast), and it would be crazy for someone to NOT be understanding of that!

Best wishes...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Thu, 02-24-2011 - 6:18am

My experiences:

With DD (1st child) my parents came to Germany to be there for the birth of my first child.

Avatar for peacelily2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 02-24-2011 - 3:06am
I firmly believe and agree with other posters that you need to do what is best for you and your family (your DH and your baby). After the baby is born, you will need your family time. Don't be afraid to put your foot down about not having too many visitors or traveling out-of-state. Your baby is the most important priority.

When I had my son, my mom was there with me in the hospital room along with DH. After my c-section, I was feeling pretty bad for awhile, yet my IL's wanted to come visit the weekend we came home. In hindsight, I would have put my foot down and said no to visitors that weekend because I truly did not feel up to company. They came anyway, and I think I spent the whole day in the recliner ;) My mom also came down a few weekends to help me out once DH went back overseas. I agree with PP that it is definitely a mother/daughter right and that your MIL should not be upset about not being able to be there. I think with your relationship, that would not be a smart move anyway.

Good luck to you! Please don't stress about it too much. You will find that these things tend to work out and that people become more accepting when you have a new baby. Just do what you think is best for you and your family.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Wed, 02-23-2011 - 12:58pm

Wow, I hate that situation and I remember it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 1:19pm

Like everyone has said you are not going to keep everyone happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 11:51am


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2009
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 11:10am
Jess, my only advice is for you and Brad to think about you and Brad and the baby and no one else. There is always going to be someone somewhere upset in the family but they are not your concern. With all 3 children, my ex-husband and I lived no where near the other families. His parents were actually really thoughtful in the fact that they let us tell them when it was okay to come see the baby and when it wasn't. The ex's Grandparents lived STATES away and unfortunately it wasn't possible for us to take our babies there or for them to come here so we made sure to take a lot of pictures, send videos, Skype the ones that could skype and eventually, they did get to meet their Great-Grandchidlren. Maybe not in the first year but that's just how it worked out. My parents, dont' even get me started on them because I dont' have a relationship with them anymore, but I didn't have to really worry about that. Basically, all I'm saying is that at some point, though it may hurt someones feelings, you and Brad need to put your foot down and say, Hey, Wait a second, this is OUR first born child and we have to do what is best for OUR family. No hard feelings, but this is how it's going to be. We would like alone time in our first few days so we can bond with our baby, G'ma A, you can come this time, G'ma B, you can come this time. Or however you feel comfortable. As far as when Brad deploys and your moving, again, do what is best for you and the baby, no one else. And if for whatever reason you don't feel comfortable with Brad's family, so be it. They all need to start respecting the wishes of this new Family.

Wish I could help more. GOOD LUCK!

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-07-2008
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 10:46am

I'm sorry you're already facing all this and your little one isn't even here yet. For us, I've had to put my foot down and remind my family that traveling works both ways and that if they really want to come see my son, they can come see him. For family that really can't travel to us, I just tell them that we will see them as soon as we can get to the area. Sometimes I have to remind them that it's not easy for us to just pack up and travel either.