Getting second feelings about homecoming...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2013
Getting second feelings about homecoming...
Wed, 12-11-2013 - 11:40pm

I am writting because I am having new feelings about my husband coming home from Afghanistan. He has been gone for almost 7 months and will be returning within the next few weeks. I dont want to say that I am not happy he is coming home because I am, but I have found myself no longer counting down the days or talking about it like I was. 

The reality is setting in, I have my routine down and I have gotten used to my independence. I dont think that he will take that away I am just scared that him coming home will have drastic changes for the both of us. The one thing that I am most scared about is the fact that I told him I was going to loose weight while he was gone but I think I have gained a few pounds rather than lost it. I am so worried that he will notice and remember me as smaller when he left. 

Im also worried that going from long distance to being with eachother 24/7 is going to be hard for us to adapt to. 

We have been together for almost 10 years and he joined the military after only 1 year of us dating. From then 2005-2009 we were a long distance only couple so I dont think that I am struggling with the distance but rather that is the longest we have gone apart. I guess I just expected myself to be very excited at this point but I am just not having those emotions.

Is there something wrong with me? Am I a bad wife? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Thu, 12-12-2013 - 12:07am
First,thank you and your husband for your service. Military families are carrying a big load for our country. I think it is perfectly nervous to be concerned about the relationship change. You will have each changes because of your circumstances, and although you are in touch with each other,that isno the same as observing little changes as they happen. You may have had to take on. Ore responsibility while your husband was deployed, and as you said, younhave your routine and have been 'independent'. He may have seen some things that you wish he hadn't...been afraid or vulnerable...or had chances to lead and act heroically. You will have to be patient with each other as you adapt to the next phase if your life. The military offers services for returning Veteran's and their families..please take advantage of them. I doubt that a little weight gain will matter to him...but if losing weight matters to you, then this. Hanging time might be a time to make healthy eating and workout changes. Be kind to yourself. Best wishes
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2014
Fri, 01-17-2014 - 2:33am
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2013
Tue, 01-21-2014 - 1:23am
I guess you are more bothered about you gaining weight and how you would look in his eyes. Trust me, he would not even notice, he would be too happy to see you after such a long time and would cherish every moment of togetherness with you. I know you have used to a certain routine in his absence, which works for you. It is only natural when he comes back, both of you would have to become used to new situations and formulate a different routine. But this adjustment is no big deal, as long as you both love each other. Do not think you are a bad wife, you have bared your natural apprehensions and it is all-right and human to do so.