Help! Post deployment sexual issues?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Help! Post deployment sexual issues?
1
Mon, 05-16-2011 - 9:24am

Hi ladies! I'm popping on to ask a question that only other military wives would be able to give me advice on. Dh just got home from his sixth deployment, and for the first time ever there have been adjustment issues. Obviously he had been gone for quite a while so I would have expected him to be ready to jump right back into marital relations--but now he has been home for 2 months and we still have not had sex. We are seeing a counselor because he doesn't know why but he is completely uninterested in sex/sexual anything (including self-help type). This is bizarre! I know I've heard before that this can happen when returning from deployments, but does anyone have any experience or helpful advice? Our relationship/friendship with each other seems to be fine but is obviously getting strained by this. I feel kind of hurt that it might have something to do with the fact that my body is not like it used to be before two kids and constant deployments. I'm not overweight by anything but about 5 lbs but I've got extra skin on my tummy and I am bigger than usual for me (150 where usually I'm 140-135). It's just hard to deal with this. TIA!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Mon, 05-16-2011 - 9:57am
I'm sorry you are going through this.

When my DH came home, I thought I was going to be all over him but the reality of it was that I was just so used to NOT having sex that I had to train myself to want again.

In my opinion, you have to stop thinking it has something to do with how you look. A man that hasn't had sex for however long his deployment was plus 2 extra months that he's been home isn't going to just not have sex because of how someone looks. There is obviously something bigger going on and you cannot take it personally. Hopefully, keeping that in mind will help ease the strain a little bit.

I hope you can figure something out in counseling so you can get back to your normal relationship.

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