How do you all manage this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2010
How do you all manage this?
26
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 4:51pm

DH is PCS'ing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Sat, 03-12-2011 - 7:23pm

Like others have said, how could your husband not expected to PCS?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-07-2008
Mon, 03-14-2011 - 7:25am
I'm sorry you are feeling so stressed out and feel like the military is trying to screw you. Honestly, it sounds like you and your DH just didn't plan for the fact that he may have to PCS at some point, which we all know is a very real possibility. We are in the process of our 4th move in 4 years due to the military. It's just part of life at this point.

Since you already have renters in your house, I wouldn't worry to much about selling it as long as their monthly rent covers your mortgage payment. If it doesn't cover your mortgage payment, maybe you can look into either raising the rent (at the end of the lease) or refinancing to get a lower monthly payment.

As for your DH's house, if you guys want to sell it, I'd start trying to get in on the market now. You don't need orders to put his house up for sale. You can also look into renting it out. The two sites I used to find a house for us to move into with this move were MilitaryByOwner.com and AHRN.com (Automated housing referral network). In my opinion, both are great.

People PCS all the time, so people are constantly looking for places to rent in new locations.

As far as your job is concerned. It sucks, but it's manageable. Start looking for positions in the new area now! When I married my DH, I knew I'd be moving to be with him and follow his career. So I started planning accordingly. When I moved to Texas to be with him, I was able to find a great nursing job, but in Kansas I had to settle for one making less money than I was use to and doing things I really didn't like. Sure, there are times I get frustrated that my nursing career isn't exactly where I'd like it to be right now, but I know that will change in the future.

Before stressing out about the worst case scenarios, start trying to look at all your options. Have you looked up your DH's BAH at the base you are PCSing too? Have you started looking for job opportunities in the new area? Now is the time to buckle down and do some serious research, not stress out and panic (I know that's easier said than done).

Good luck. I hope you guys can find ways to get this all to work out for you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2010
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 3:12pm

I just don't see what the point in any of this is anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2010
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 3:15pm

"To the OP, I don't understand what you want to hear? PCS'ing is a fact of military life, suggesting that it is to punish you for being successful , well, that is just ..it just doesn't make any sense"

I don't know why it doesn't make sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 3:39pm
Wow. That's incredibly offensive.

No one is forcing you to move, to lose all of what you say you are losing. You are CHOOSING to move with your husband. If you don't like it, simply don't move. It's really that easy.

When I met my husband, I was in college and we dated long distance (me in South Dakota and him in South Carolina) for 3 years before we got married and he got out of the military to move to be with me. I had graduated college, had multiple job opportunities, had my family and all of my friends within a couple of hours of where I was living. Then, my husband decided to get back into the military. Within 2 months of him making that decision, we were on our way to Ft. Lewis, Washington. I was moving halfway across the country from my life and everything I had built for myself. But, guess what? I made that choice! It wasn't the military that did that to me. It wasn't my husband who did it to me. It was MY CHOICE!

I hate military life. I hate moving all the time, I hate being away from my family, I hate living in places I'd never choose to live. But, I make the choice to continue to do it because 1) I love my husband and like our life together and 2) I know it won't always be like this. I've had to sacrifice a lot these past 6 years but I know that soon, it will be my time. We are in the process now of making decisions about him getting out after this deployment and moving back to South Dakota where there is basically nothing for him and it will simply be because that's where I want to live.

I'm really sorry you are in the situation where you may face financial hardships but it is no ones fault. It's just life. You said your husband built a custom house because that's what the officers he knew did. My brother is an officer in the Air Force and he and his wife rented for about 7 years before they finally bought a house the last time they PCSed. Your husband made the choice to buy a house and now he has to deal with the reality of the situation which is he has to move and now has a house to sell. My brother will face that same situation when he has to PCS, which will be in another year or two. Btw, his wife has a doctorate degree and has a great job at a hospital and she will be giving that up when they move also.

My point is, don't play a victim and act like you are going through anything that every other military family doesn't go through. You are in a situation where there are options. It's up to you to figure out what option is best for you.

When you say stuff like you did in your last reply, you come across as if you are better than every other military spouse out there and it's only you who has had to give up a lot for your husband's career. That's simply not the case and coming to a board full of women who sacrifice so much every single day and then insult them and act like your sacrifices are somehow harder and more tragic isn't going to get you very far.

Again, I really do wish you the best of luck and hope you can figure this all out and be happy. It may not be what you pictured for your life, but life rarely ever works out how we think it will. It's all about how we handle it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2006
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 7:15pm

I agree with everything Amy has so eloquently said.

However, I'm not as nice and I have little to no sympathy for women like you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 8:02pm
Thanks for replying before I did Amy, lol. I have never read something more offensive and insulting.

OP, I AM a college graduate who had a fantastic career prior to marrying my husband. I chose to marry him and knew what that entailed. You seem to have come here just to be mean and nasty to all of us and I'm not sure why you would do that.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 8:03pm
Get some perspective and get over yourself.
I think once you do that, you'll see your life isn't that horrible.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 10:43pm

I'm glad I was away at the hospital giving birth this weekend or I might have beat Amy to the punch and said some not so nice things also.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 11:08pm
Well, thank you for the laugh. What you just said was so comically judgmental and childish that I just couldn't help literally laughing out loud.

Listen, I am college educated, home owner, that owns her own furniture and car. Some i've accomplished before marrying my husband and some we did together while building our life together. I gave up a promising career for a life that is challenging, thanks to the military but has provided many blessing, namely my daughters. I have zero regrets and certainly didn't hitch myself to an army man to get a better life.

I find it sad that you've stacked your sense of identity and self worth on things that can easily be taken away. If not the military, what about a job loss or a house fire? Things aren't permanent. Relationships can be if you put in the effort and care. And that's what many of us have chosen.

Let me finish with this, if you do choose to follow your husband, why do you think you'll lose your education? I am the daughter of immigrants, neither with a college education. My parents encouraged us to go to college not only because of the career opportunities, but because it is the one thing my parents could give us that could never be taken away. They have both lived without as kids and saw an education as a gift to yourself, something that's apart of you. And even though I'm a stay at home mom, its now a gift I share with my children. It certainly doesn't go wasted. And it shouldn't with you if you choose to move.

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