I am a new military wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
I am a new military wife
9
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 11:23pm
Anyone have any good advice on what it is like to be a first time military wife and mom? My husband was deployed to Kuwait in October. He was home in January to see my son be born. He got to stay home for a week. Feburary 16 was the last time I got to hear his voice. The last letter I recieved was dated March 13. It has been a couple weeks and now it is starting to get to me. I knew this would happen, but I am only human and can't help myself from feeling like this. So what can I do for myself and my son to make this seperation during this war a little bit better?

                              &nbsp

Avatar for cl_americanarose
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 2:38am
Welcome to the board. It is tough to start off a marriage with a deployment and even harder to start off being a Mom and new to the military with a deployment of this kind. My best advice is to stay busy, avoid the news as much as possible. Remember that he will write when he can but to keep your letters going. He'll get them and appreciate them.

Take tons of photo's of your son and video to keep a picture journal of his growth. But also I recommend keeping a written journal of your days. I keep a journal of my daughter's lives and one day when they leave home and have children of their own I'll give them theirs. It is nice to record your history.

Find a support group of women in your area as well that you can swap babysitting with, talk to and just have a few laughs with. It is important to stay healthy and filled with hope.

Many hugs to you and Congratulations on the birth of your child!

Rosemary

Avatar for ms_suzzyq
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 10:25am
Oh, honey, I don't know what to say. You are in a tough situation but definitely not alone. I haven't been doing too well lately myself so I'm not about to lecture about what or not what to do during these hard times. I try to stay busy (stupid advice, that I'm sure you've heard a million times before) and somedays it works and somedays it doesn't. I write my DH lots of emails. I'm not sure how big their AKO accounts are but there may be a day that I've flooded the thing. lol

My DH is leaving in the next week or two but we live in separate countries already so I'm trying to look at it as just the same situation but farther apart. I know it is a stretch but you have to do whatever you can to make the situation more barable. He warned me not to expect communication for up to three months and that "no news is good news". That will be hard for me to deal with but honestly, he is right. If there is just silence he is still okay and just busy.

You'll do just fine and I'm glad you found our board. I have found so much support here that it is overwhelming somedays. I've also made some fantastic friends. I hope you have a similar experience.

Hugs,

Susan

Avatar for cl_melisca
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 11:11am
I don't have any words of advice. I just wanted to offer you some hugs. I hope that there is another letter in your mailbox today. Three weeks is a heck of a long time to go without hearing anything, especially when he's in the Middle East. It's hard on the one left behind.

I hope you'll stick around.

:) Melissa, army wife in TX

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 7:01pm
{{{big hugs}}} wish i had some great advice to give you. the best thing for me has definitely been this board. when ever i've had questions (about absolutely anything) there is always someone here who has been through what i'm going through, or someone who can point me in the right direction to get the answers i need. i didn't marry a military man, i married a man who later joined the military, so all of this was such a shock to us and our marriage and our family. keeping busy & being able to talk to other women who actually knew what i was going through was more helpful than i will ever be able to explain. hope you can find this board as helpful as i have. hope to see you posting often!

Jenn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 7:17pm
Hi hon. I just want you to know that you are not alone. My husband left last night. They gave us a couple of hours notice then he was gone. I too have not been a military wife long. We will have been married for two months this friday. This board has been my support group. Finding one in your area is also a good idea that I read from someone else. Try to make contact with another wife in your troop. Hopefully she has kids but if not try to con her into babysitting anyways. Spend time with friends. Don't have friends? Call all the wives on your phone sheet and ask them all to hang-out. Hey, if you live in Texas e-mail me and I'll be your friend. littlemoon_19@yahoo.com

I'll even let you con me into babysitting. I wish you luck and hope you find something that helps.

Cheri dw to Phillip/deployed

Avatar for smalltwn_cntrygirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 2:08am
Sounds sorta familar except for the fact that I don't have any kids. My husband, and I got married one week before he left. I haven't heard his voice in over a month, or seen his face for going on four months. The last letter I got from him was some time in Febuary I think. I've been just keeping myself so busy that I don't know weather, I'm coming or going. Rekindle old friendships. You could really use them right now. And visit your local libary. Take time out for yourself, and enjoy a hot bath. These are the little things that get me through the day. And learn something new! E-mail me if you'd like smalltwn_cntrygirl@hotmail.com , Good Luck- Katie
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 2:23am
hello..i just saw your message. i can't say i know what it feels like exactly but i think i may have a clue. my husband is still here in the U.S but for how long i don't know. i'm pregnant and i have one daughter who constantly asks where her daddy is and why can't he come home. things are tough enough when you have to deal with a spouse being gone without having a child who is upset. things get to me too. i'm due in a few months and i don't know if things are going to get worse and even if he is going to come home to see the baby being born. he told me today that he may have to stay another year..things get better they say but what i want to know is when? you know? well if you would like to chat with me just heck i don't know on this thing...i'm new here and i still don't know how to work this...lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 5:59am
Welcome to the board, and huge hugs to you! I'm so glad that your DH was able to come home to see his son be born! that is awesome that he was able to be there for you! On the other hand, I'm very sorry he had so little time, and had to go back.

I don't have a whole lot of advice, my DH is in Korea, and I haven't had any letters or phone calls since he went back (after mid-tour leave) on Jan 18th of this year. I had one week of e-mail, the last dated Feb 12th. So, I know a little of how you feel. I have 3 children, ages 5 and under.

Some of the things I do to maintain my sanity...keep a schedule. I'm currently on a new work out program, and it really keeps me busy, and since I have to plan 6 meals a day, I'm constantly on a schedule. I also keep the kids on a schedule...thank goodness....LOL!

I write journal type letters to my DH and send them off weekly. The kids have pictures of themselves sitting on daddy's lap, and the hug and kiss those good night...every night. These are just some of the things I do, mine isn't in the same area, but he is gone...it's tough, but doable.

You've come to the right place, there are scores of ladies in your shoes, whose DHs are over in the *sandbox* We all support one another, lean on one another, and make each other laugh! We look forward to you joining our ranks!

I'm Chris, army wife to Troy(korea) sahm to 3 in SC, for the time being.

Hugs,

Chris
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 6:58am
Hello there!

I'm Liz, SAHM to Zachary and Navy Wife to John. I am in your EXACT shoes. :) My DH deployed in January (unexpectedly and we don't know how long for. His command did allow him to come home for the birth of our son at the end of February. He basically got to witness the birth, spend a couple of hours with us the next morning and start the long journey back to the ship. Although this is our first deployment married, we did go through a 7-month deployment last year while we were engaged.

To deal with the loneliness and the worrying I do several thigns. First off, I get out of the house as much as I can. And, it's a lot more difficuly with a 5-week old, but even if it's just to get out in the neighborhood for a walk, it helps immensely. :) I also have found a local mommies group that usually provides a friend or two to get toghether with when I need to get out and see adults. :) I also hav arranged for several visitors and trips to see family over the course of the spring. Lastly,I limit my news viewing.I realize it's not possible to ignore it all together, but I try to limit myself to an hour a day...that's total and not all at once. I find that I get way too worried if I don't knwo what's going on, but also if I know too much about what's going on. SO I find the hour to be just enough. :)

Please feel free to e-mail me or IM me at any time...I don't frequent the board too much...it's hard to find much computer time these days. ;)

Liz

Lizbassett02@aol.com or IM lizbassett02