I need some advice! (m) long sorry

Avatar for aprilturn
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I need some advice! (m) long sorry
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:08pm
Ok, last week one of dh's friends ask us if his girlfriend could stay with us for a week while she was here during spring break visiting him. WEe had no problem with

that well when she was supposed to leave last Sunday she decided she didn't want to go home. So they asked if they could stay here for awhile if thye paid us for it

we said ok but inly if they helped with household chores. Well at first they made

an effort to helpthat first night. but since then she has helped a little he has helped

only by buying some soda. They have both looked at what I've made for dinner a few nights like it's dog food. Then the other noght, after dd had her bath she ran into the

living room and said this is my bum a they both said oh my god like she commited

a crime, then later that same night she pointed to his private area and said that our pee

(she's potty training) and they both had the same reaction. So I said she only two you

know. THen we found out that although the girl is 18 she is still in high school

getting ready to graduate. Her family said they want her to come home and she has until

Monday to decide. Plus my dh said he knows that his friend is going to be getting orders soon and she has already said that if he gets orders she's going home. I really don't want them here and I think she should go home and finish school first. Although we could really use the help with the rent, I feel like a stranger in my own home. Should I tell them they can't stay? I've already told her I think she should go home finish school then come , but she doesn't want to be that far away from her df which I can understand I also told her that I made it throught my dh being gone for 7 months for

basic and AIT. So ladies my question is what would you do. Dh is driving me nuts,

because if I bring it up he acts like I'm over reacting. I think he just doesn't want to make his friend mad, but it's making me mad. Any advice???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:18pm
This is definitely a tough one, but if they are making you that uncomfortable in your own home then I say that they need to leave. Give them ample time (3-5 days) to find other quarters. I can see how your DH feels, but enough's enough.

Good luck sweetie, and I hope that you can find the words to explain how you're feeling to you DH so that he understands that this is the only option for a "happy home."



Avatar for cbuckl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:30pm
We had a similar thing happen to us over the summer. A guy my dh works with had just got married and his wife came up here so they could move in toghether. Well they asked if they could stay for one week till they got their own place and they ended up staying a month and a half. There was no reason for him to have not gotten a place, he was just too lazy to go do the paperwork. Well they didn't give us money for rent, although we don't pay rent, but still, they sometimes bought food for themselves at the store and then ate all our food instead. They didn't help with the housework and sometimes she would cook spagetti and splatter sause all over the stove and not clean it up. SOMETIMES she would wash the dishes she used but only the ones she used and wasted so much dish soap. They were staying in our spare room which is where we have the computer and they never came out of it, downloaded all kinds of crap on our computer witout asking. I too felt like a stranger in my own home and both dh and I were tired of it. He would say something to the guy about when will you get your place but it took him forever. Finally when they went to JRTC for a month I said I am going home so you will either have to go home or get a hotel or get your own place. I hate hurting peoples feelings but sometimes you just have to do it or they will walk all over you. Good luck sorry I rambled :-)

Cameron Proud Army Wife

Avatar for cl_americanarose
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 2:55am
I would tell them that she has to go. I would tell your dh that even though she is 18 she is the responsibility of her parents. She should go home and his friend should tell her to do this as well. Finish school then they can decide what to do.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 7:09am
Wow you have way more patience than I do, because I would have kicked her out long ago. My home is the only place I ever really feel comfortable, and I am a real homebody, so that alone would be my reasoning. But her age and the fact that she is still in school, that would be a huge issue also. I hope it works out with no hurt feelings for you, I would hate for it to become an issue for you and dh. Good luck and let us know what happened.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 7:44am
I would tell they have to go. She needs to finish school. If they are so adimint on her not going home then let them find their own place. Give them a time frame to leave. Not a long one. I wouldn't give them anymore than a week.

Good luck and keep us posted.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 8:57am
I would say BYE!! Especially if they are making you feel uncomfortable in your own home. :)


Avatar for cl_melisca
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 10:10am
O.K., I'm not as patient as you. I wouldn't be in this situation to begin with.

BUT-- that's not helpful, is it? O.K., so your DH doesn't want to make his friend mad, but who does he have to live with? He married YOU. It is YOUR home. I totally know the feeling of feeling like a visitor in your own home. That's how I felt when DH's mother was here for a month. Ugh, it was awful... but that his mother, not his friend's 18 year old girlfriend.

It's time for her to go. She may not want to leave her DF, but that's not your problem. Tell your DH that you want time with just him... that it's hurting your relationship having these people invading your home AND that it's costing you money that you don't have!


:) Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 10:26am
well...we all know by now that I'm not politically correct, so....I'm just gonna give you the politest version of my opinion on this matter...LOL

You need to have a talk with your DH, he's married to YOU, and this is YOUR home as well as his. It's all well and good to help a friend out, but when it comes to sacrificing your own levels of comfort in your own home.....I'm sorry but she's got to go! She's too young, in my opinion, and should go ahead and finish school while her df is getting ready for orders, and then getting them (however that pans out)

You have extended you self far beyond necessity, it's time to put your foot down. If you can't even be comfortable in your own home, there's a seriousl problem.

I think you should give them a few days notice, so they have time to send the girl back home where she belongs for the time being, and they should be darn grateful you allowed thme THIS much time!

Sorry for the rambling. This could never be me. I'm a very nice person, but....when you step into MY domain, and then cause me to start sacrificing my levels of comfort, and...welll...let's just say it would never have been me, and leave it at that, shall we? LOL!

I wish you luck, I hope you can find the words to convince DH that you aren't overreacting, and that enough is enough, and I hope the younger couple have the sense to see that they need to find another way of doing things.

Love ya,