I need some advice.....(long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I need some advice.....(long)
2
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 12:59pm
Yesterday DH and i got into an arguement,It was for something stupid, see when he told me about the news that they were being sent for training for 3 months he told me dont tell any of the other girls specially nicole( One of my friends) Later i found out that Nicoles DH my DH friend told her the same thing so we figured that they are testing us to see if we will tell each other well i didnt say anything till she told me and we said we should tell are DH the opposite story that I would tell my DH that she told me and that she will tell her DH that i told her, So they found out yesterday and he comes home telling me that he was not ever going to tell me anything because im a blamer mouth but i didnt say anything, besides that he has been acting kinda weird like really upset and being rude all the time, i mean i got real mad when he told me he was not going to tell anything anymore so i told him you know im your best friend and if you dont tell whats going on anymore that means im not part of your life and i wont be if its going to be that way, (I dont know if i did the right thing by telling him that) So i said you know i dont want to talk to you right now, he said why, well since he does that when he does not want to argue i said well you can do it so can i so i dont want to talk to you right now. Well we didnt talk for a while so i went to him and told him if you dont want to loose me you better change your attitude. So he is like what so you dont want to be with me anymore, i said no its not that i do want to be with you but i could only be patient to an extend. So he told me that him knowing that he is only going to be with me about 5 moths out of the year made him really upset and did not know how to deal with it, so i said so you take out on me instead of being closer to me you distance your self. He told me that one of the resons he join the Army was to give me a bether life to give a house that i could call home. And i told him what good does having a house if we are going to have a bad relantionship. I said i dont want the house if its going to be like this this. I mean this has never happen before we get along great we are best friends. I just dont get it. I dont knowif what i said was right... We are doing good today i mean we made up yesterday right after the arguement i mean we cant be mad at each other. So i just wantd to get somebody elses opinion to see if i did the right thing by telling him if he did not change his attitude he was going to loose me.

Thank you in advance.

Eunice

Avatar for ms_suzzyq
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 1:44pm
Eunice, things may have come about in a bad way but I think you guys made important progress by being honest about your fears and concerns. It was probably a really big deal for him to admit how much it bothers him to be away from you so much. And I think it concerns him that to give you the things he wants to provide you with (ie a home) you both have to sacrifice a lot. I think it is also important to remember that sometimes it is normal and reasonable for a spouse to request that information given not be shared with other people, even best friends. It is difficult to say what your husband's reasoning was but it could very well have been to respect his friend's desire to be the one to break the news to his spouse. I know there are many times that my DH asks that I not say anything to others until the guys in his unit have the opportunity to tell their families the same info he has passed on to me.

I suggest you set aside some time to be together to talk about the stuff that seems to bubble up during your arguements. A time to be honest about what you both are feeling/experiencing right now and not let things build up so you lash out at each other from fear and anger.

Good luck Eunice. I think you both have a great opportunity here to build the foundation of your marriage.

Hugs,

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 6:32pm
Hey hunny! I think that you both were just caught up in the heat of the moment. It's a strange feeling when you think that your husband might be keeping things from you, but you have to remember the situation he is in. What if he had told you something critical to his job, that couldn't be passed along to anyone else. You (and your friend) have to respect your husbands when they say that you can't tell anyone else some sort of information. You never know if it's just that he wants them to be able to tell their families first, or if it is critical that no one else know the information. Just let him know that you understand that he got upset because you talked to your friend about the information, and that you won't break his confidence anymore. I know that your friend brought up the topic, but he asked you not to discuss it, so you should have avoided the conversation with her as quickly as possible. Hope that makes some sort of sense! Jenn