Just having a blue day...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Just having a blue day...
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 1:58pm
Hi all, I'm just having the blues today. I haven't talked to my fiance since he left last January. I've gotten only a few letters. This is his first and hopefully last deployment since his time will be up, and he has plans on starting a different career. When I talk to his comrades wives they tell me about how so many letters they get and have even gotten a phone call. I feel bad after they tell me this even though I pretend I'm happy for them. It has even made me question his love for me. Especially, since we are not married yet. I know this sounds really selfish, especially since he is over there being miserable. I know he can't write me now, of course, but sometimes I just feel like I want to just hide until he comes back. Are any of these feelings normal? Sorry for the downer, ((hugs)) to all of those with DH's and DF's
Avatar for cl_melisca
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 2:06pm
I'm sorry that it's been so long since you've heard from him. It's hard not to be selfish when you're the one left behind and all you want is reassurance that he's o.k.

Have you posted on the "Dating a Military Man" board? Most of us here are married, so we aren't going through exactly the same experience as you. Heck, post on both boards... get twice the support! LOL.

:) Melissa, army wife in TX

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 2:13pm
I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard day. We all have them! I think it's completely okay to be feeling this way. As far as the number of letters/calls go, there could be a number of reasons that he hasn't sent you as many as everybody else. I know that a friend of mine hears from and receives several letters from her DH, but I know my DH does what he can. He's only received one of my letters and I write almost every other day since he's been there...so the mail system could be one of the biggest problems! Another may be that he doesn't know what to say. My DH doesn't want to "bore" me with talk about what they're doing. So sometimes he runs out of things to say in the letters.

You are entitled to your feeling but keep in mind that he's probably doing all that he can right now. Just keep writing to him, it means so much!! You take care!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 5:22pm
I am hardly the person to be giving you advice, I think I am permanently down in the dumps and will just pack my things up and live there till my DH gets back.

Anyway I just wanted to tell you something that I learned the first time my DH was TDY. Sometimes they have the BEST intentions and the BEST laid plans for calling you, and/or writing to you but the military just has different plans for them. For example, the people that are getting phone calls could just be doing jobs that allow them to stay near phone lines, while your DF could be out somewhere where there is not a phone to be found for miles upon miles.

SOmetimes we just have to assume that is why we haven't gotten a call. Not because they are intentionally not calling us.

Here is a little poem that I have on my fridge, it really helps me out when I am feeling like you are:

The Lords Prayer for Army (or whatever suits you) Spouses

Lord, grant me the greatness of heart to see

The difference in duty and his love for me.

Give me the understanding to know

that when duty calls he must go.

Give me a task to do each day

to fill the time when he is away

And Lord when duty is far away

Please protect him, this I pray.

Author Unknown

Hope that helps you.

Hugs ~ Jami

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 6:00pm
My dh just left yesterday and I feel like diging a hole and staying there until he gets back. Honey life does go on. Do something nice for yourself. Even better have someone drag you out of the house and make you do something nice for yourself. The day my dh left I took a bubble bath. This was a super big deal for me because I wasn't able to take a bath for 2 weeks because I had got a tattoo and you can't soak it in water. The day he left it had been 2 weeks. Of course the rest of that day I spent in my bath robe crying. Today though I made plans with my mother to go out and get our hair done. It took her 2 hours to get me out of bed but it happened. We ran around town with my sister and then we went and got hair cuts and hot oil treatments. I did cry intermintantly but you need to keep yourself busy. Drag yourself to your feet and do what you should/need to do. You will feel better when you do. The pain I don't believe goes away but that doesn't mean that you should. I wish you the best of luck.