Money Matters...I need help BIG TIME!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Money Matters...I need help BIG TIME!!!
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 6:22pm
Hubby is deployed and as I mentioned in past boards already archived, DH has this tendency of wanting to know every-single-tiny-weenie-detail and wants me every time I'm going to do something (money-related) to consult him....then again...he is thousands of nautical miles away from home....

We share an account, that's mainly used to pay bills and the other which I'm not part of, is the account from his credit card, and the car's loan.

Well, the deal was that every pay day I was to make a check from the joint account to pay the the car's loan and the credit card.

So I did the last time., when I was headed to do so, again , I found in his LES that he already made an arrangement to have directly deposited from his pay to the above mentioned account. And I found out because I saw it disclosed in his LES...which by the way..I had to re-set the password cuz I obviously did not had it.

So, when I sent him an email, explaining the above and the fact that I saw it in his LES...Well...he went nuts cause I re-set the password. That what he expected was that I was supposed to ask him all the passwords and blah blah blah...

I know...I know...he is a control freak...but I need some words to help him understand that if I'm the one working and paying the bills I need some liberties and It's difficult for me to be emailing him for everything I need to do.


Avatar for mommykat2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 6:27pm
AUGH! MEN! I would put my foot down on this one. I'm controlling all of the finances right now and I let DH know only what he needs to know. You should just tell him that YOU'LL be taking care of the finances until he gets back, THEN he can be a control freak!



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 6:31pm
But the Internet is not helping!!! I mean...he might not be here...but he works with a computer everyday...with satellite Internet connections...and that (I think) is the key here...he STILL controls things even from the sea!
Avatar for dants0514
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 7:48pm
I would first explain to him that you did not know that he made the arragements for the payments to be made and that he should understand that you are only watching out for his best interest, the bills. After all, if his credit gets messed up it effects both of you. Also, explain to him that if for some reason, the internet is down, and something has to get done, that you will not be able to take care of it if you don't know the passwords. Communication and compromise will be the easiest way to resolve this problem have a password that you can both remember easily -- you can have it for the just in case times. Good Luck.
Avatar for cl_americanarose
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 7:43am
It is really time you forced him to see that you are an adult, his wife and not a child. You will not tolerate being treated as such anymore. I remember the whole deal and it does seem that you have made progress BUT not enough in my honest opinion.

You are his partner in life. He needs to treat you as such. Fine, he made arrangements for the money to be pur in for the payments but he shouldn't get upset over a password. Micromanaging a marriage is ill advised and he really needs some counseling.

You are his wife not his child and he needs to grow up.


Avatar for cl_melisca
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 7:59am
Yikes, I don't have any words. I have no idea. He's YOUR husband. LOL. Good luck though. I mean, you obviously have things under control, so there's no reason for him to worry.

:) Melissa

Avatar for mquin73
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 8:34am
I completely agree with everything Rose said. He is a control freak and he won't change unless HE wants to. You do have POA don't you? If so, then he shouldn't have a problem. If he was going to have a problem with it in the beginning then maybe he shouldn't have done a POA, but you are his wife. You are an adult and don't need to be treated like a child. Stand up to him, that's the only way that he will back down, if ever. Explain to him that if something happens to him then you will need to take care of all the finances and you need to have the passwords and whatnot for all of them, plus this was something that you had agreed upon before he left. Tell him you are his wife and not his child and you should be treated as such. If he didn't want a wife then he shouldn't have married you. Also, another piece of advice is to make sure that you have two separate accounts. I have very strong feelings for these types of issues. My ex was the same way when it came to money, so we did not share an account at all.

I hope he listens to you. Take care.


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