New to the military world

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2011
New to the military world
4
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 12:02am

I dont even know if I should be posting here, but I need to find some support somewhere. Met an awesome guy....everything I ever dreamed of in a man. He just retired after 20 years in the military and is now going back to Afghanistan for eighteen months. I'm new to all of this...never been with a military man before.....scared to death, missing him terribly already.

I'm excited for him as this is a great career opportunity he just cant pass up, but still its so hard....wanting so bad for him to stay here but at the same time wanting him to go and do what he has to do.

How do the spouses/girlfriends survive? What do you do to get by when your man is gone for so long?

I feel so lost! Hope I can find somewhere that I can vent, ask questions, and get some comfort.

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 9:41am
You are more than welcome here!

My best advice is to always remember that you are a person separate from this guy and even though he is gone, your life goes on. Of course you will miss him and sometimes you will be incredibly sad, but you can't stop doing what makes you happy. Maybe it's the feminist in me but it hurts my soul a little to hear women ask how to "survive" without their significant other! You survive because you are a strong woman who CAN!! :) You enjoy when he calls, you send a lot of emails and care packages, you count down the days until he is home but above all, you live your life! Spoil yourself a little bit to get yourself through the harder times but know that eventually it will end. Also know that no one is forcing this on you. It helps keep things in perspective when you keep in mind that you are choosing to go through this tough time because you love and care about this person so much. We do a lot of silly things for the people we love!!

Feel free to jump right in here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2011
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 3:20pm

Thanks...and youre right. I just meant "survive" in terms of your heart hurting so much, but I do get what youre saying.

I will stick with him through this...and do realize that that is my choice. He deserves that...having to leave everything behind....risking his life. Not to mention that hes just plain worth waiting for. I do want to be here for him when he returns.

Just feeling sorry for myself. He is the man I met after my divorce...such a change from my abusive ex. I've never had a relationship like this before...found like I have found a real

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 5:29pm
You aren't "just a girlfriend"!!!! Titles mean nothing when you have to say goodbye to someone you love.

Know that as miserable as the first few days will be, they will pass and it will get more manageable. You will adjust to a new normal (and then you get to adjust again when he comes back home but that's a lot more fun!).

I've given this advice a lot before but I'll say it again because it really is what helps me through separations. Break up the time he is gone into smaller increments by planning something small each month or week. I would plan small trips, going out shopping, going to a nice dinner, going to Starbucks, etc. I would write them on the calendar and I'd be able to look forward to those small things. It made the weeks and months go by so much faster because I just had to get to that date and then the next date and then the next. Pretty soon, I just had to get through one more week and he was home.

There is a Saturday countdown in the deployment folder where the ladies count down each week. It's a really nice way to see how far you've come. Keep an eye out for it tomorrow!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-1998
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 8:15am

Amy already covered most of it, and very well.