Not handling this whole thing well

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2010
Not handling this whole thing well
22
Sun, 11-28-2010 - 8:46pm

I am a new military wife of about six months, but I'm a military brat, so I'm not new to the military.

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-07-2008
Sun, 11-28-2010 - 9:41pm

Moving to a new location takes some time for adjustment. Not to sound mean, but staying inside and not going out aren't going to help you meet people and will only make you feel more isolated. I completely understand not wanting to be a SAHW. I'm a nurse and unfortunately, at this duty station, jobs were slim pickings. Our last duty station wasn't a problem and I practically walked into a job.

Have you looked into opportunities for your career field at your new location? What about seeing if there's a need for civilians at the DoD with your career? I know it can be hard to continue with your career while moving around and I completely understand how you are feeling.

Is there anything you could do to further your education in your career field while you aren't working? Perhaps that is something you could look into.

Where you are stationed can be good and bad and mostly it's all a matter of perspective. If you focus on the bad, that's all you will see. Instead, try to find some positives (great local restaurants, stores you've never been around before, meeting new people, etc.). Are there some things in the area worth going to see while you are there? Perhaps you can take advantage of having the time off and take small weekend trips with your DH when you can. Just find ways to put a positive spin on the situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Sun, 11-28-2010 - 11:21pm

I could have totally written this post..

I left a job I really liked (and was actually offered an even better job a week after we got to DH's new duty station...) when my husband decided to get back into the Army after he had gotten out to move where I was living. We were long distance for 3 years while we dated.

I was absolutely devastated. I moved away from my job, my family, my friends, the place I had called home my entire life. Not only that but 9 months after we moved, my DH deployed for 15 months. After he came home, we moved to a place that I was basically terrified to go outside because the area was so bad. We spent 18 months there and it didn't matter how much I tried to look at the bright side of things, while I was there, I was absolutely 100% miserable. Looking back on it now (after almost a year of being away from there), I know I was depressed while I was there. I hated it, I blamed him for me being there, I was angry a lot, he hated it, he hated his job, he hated his unit. It was a HORRIBLE 18 months.

I have no problem saying that I'm not a fan of military life. I am proud of what my husband does but at the end of the day, this life is NOT for me. I haven't worked a job in my field since he got back in. I have a hard time seeing the benefit of this life for me. Yes, I love my husband and I want to support him but it's hard when it feels like our life completely revolves around him. I feel like I get lost. If my husband said he could magically get out of the Army tomorrow, I'd run naked through the streets out of happiness.

Have you looked into any volunteer opportunities in your area? I've done that before and it's amazing what giving back can do for you. If you are in the position where you don't need the second income, then I would suggest volunteering. There are usually opportunities on post but if you are like me and like to keep your life seperate from Army stuff, there are usually a lot of different places that are always looking for a helping hand. That's just a thought.

I wish I had some better advice to offer so my post isn't all doom and gloom but I just wanted you to know that there is someone that understands where you are coming from.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 10:43am

I've pretty much got the same story as Amy, so I won't type it all out again.

Military life is what it is, and that's just something that you have to accept.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 11:10am

I am sorry you are feeling this way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2010
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 7:44pm

It helps to have people listen, but I still feel like I don't fit in.

DH is career and I knew that going in, so it's not like I should complain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 12-01-2010 - 10:01am
I think you need to keep an open mind. Not all military wives are SAHM/SAHW or sell Pampered Chef or have kids or are girly girls or are into scrapbooking. There is a whole diverse range of people out there and sometimes all it takes is giving someone a chance. Just because someone may sell Pampered Chef doesn't mean there is nothing else about them you may like. If you are looking for someone just like you, it may take awhile.

And, for the record, I'm 27 and don't have any kids and I've never felt like it is expected in military life. But, then again, I don't have a lot to do with the military and I kind of do my own thing most of the time! My DH and I live with the understanding that the military is his job and not his life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
Wed, 12-01-2010 - 10:20am

In your first post, you made it sound like you were unemployed.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 12-01-2010 - 10:26am
"There are A LOT of women who never intended to be military wives, that just happens to be the curve life has thrown at them. We're all in similar situations to you, and we're all trying to figure out how to make it work."

I think this is the most important statement made in this whole thread!! Well said!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2007
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 3:52pm

I was in a similar situation 20 years ago!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2010
Fri, 12-03-2010 - 11:35am

I'm wondering, if not all military wives are girly-girly SAHW's, why are all the activities geared towrads those types of women?

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