Not handling this whole thing well

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2010
Not handling this whole thing well
22
Sun, 11-28-2010 - 8:46pm

I am a new military wife of about six months, but I'm a military brat, so I'm not new to the military.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2007
Mon, 12-06-2010 - 9:51pm

Le'sigh...

I tried really hard not to go here...

You may not realize this, but your post sounds very, "Marriage Fantasy-ish."

Community Leader
Registered: 07-07-2008
Mon, 12-06-2010 - 7:39pm

I agree with Jess on the introductions. My husband and I went to my work's Christmas party last year and he was introduced as his name followed by, my husband so people would know who he was to me. When he introduced himself to people when mingling on his own, he said he was my husband so they knew who he was here with and that he wasn't just some random person that came to the party. I have no problem identifying myself as my husband's wife. That doesn't mean that is all that I am though, just a part of who I am.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
Mon, 12-06-2010 - 6:48pm

I can't believe it offends you to introduce yourself as your husband's wife at a holiday party for his JOB.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2010
Mon, 12-06-2010 - 5:15pm

Thanks everyone for the suggestions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Sat, 12-04-2010 - 12:23pm

You could

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
Sat, 12-04-2010 - 9:57am

We're all trying to help as best we can, but nothing we say seems to be getting anywhere.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2007
Sat, 12-04-2010 - 12:10am

If I were sitting next to you in person, I would be forced to look at you and ask, "What were you expecting?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 12-03-2010 - 1:29pm
Oh, I was also going to mention something about the flight instructor thing. Is there not even a small airport around? Where I'm from, there are little tiny airports all over. In fact, my dad is taking flying lessons right now out of the airport by the little town of 1200 that he lives by. It might be an option to look into the smaller airports.

Also, give yourself a chance to try other hobbies. I just recently got into running and I absolutely love it. It gives me goals to work towards, the exercise makes me feel great and it's great for my mind. There are a lot of things I miss about my old life but I've also grown to appreciate the new experiences I've been able to have because of my new life.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 12-03-2010 - 1:22pm
I've been with my husband for over 7 years and he's been in the military all but a few months of that. I've never felt like the military thinks I should be anything so I'm wondering what's going on that you feel like that after being a military wife for 6 months.

Right now, what would make you happy? What would it take to make you ok with the way your life is at this moment? It's really hard to change your life around when you get married and it's even more difficult when the person you marry is in the military. So much of our lives is out of our hands. I really think you need to think long and hard about if this is the life you really want. I'm sure you love your husband and it's easy to say you'll do anything to be with him but you shouldn't have to spend your lifetime miserable. If it's this rough after only 6 months, it's either going to get better once you get more adjusted or it's only going to get worse because you are going to realize more and more that this is sort of the way it is when you are married to a military member.

I would suggest that you find someone to talk to about all of this. Jenna gave you the great suggestion of going to militaryonesource. You can even have counseling sessions over the phone or online. Maybe a professional could give you some suggestions on coping better. You also said you were bullied and maybe that is an issue you could work on too. I understand how awful it must have been to be bullied but I don't think you can live your whole life thinking that every woman out there is going to hate you or be a backstabber. Being married to someone in the military can be really, really hard and you can't isolate yourself. There is going to come a time when you are going to need others to lean on (deployments, long TDYs, field exercises, etc). It's worth a shot to talk to someone who knows how to handle the types of feelings you seem to be having.

I said before that I am not a fan of military life. The thing with me, though, is that I find ways to make the best of it. I make the choice to stay with my husband and I owe it to him to find ways to make myself happy. It's not fair to me or to him to make the choice to deal with military life and then be miserable all the time. Even when we were going through that 18 months of hell and as miserable as I was, I found things to be excited about and I took more trips home and I fought my way through it. It's not always pretty but once you realize that you have more control over your own happiness than you think, it can give you something to work with. I wish I would have seen what a black hole I was in during that 18 months so I could have gotten help. The resources were there for me to take advantage of and I didn't and I suffered for no reason.

If you want help, it's there. You just need to start deciding if you want the help right now or if you want to continue to feel the way you feel.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2010
Fri, 12-03-2010 - 12:50pm

See, it's great for people who grew up in small towns, but I haven't.

Pages