Seeking Other Reservists' Wives
My husband was recently activated after 27 years as a reservist in the Army. I find myself totally unprepared to be a military wife (married 12 years). Two days a month doesn't qualify as a military wife. So I don't have the lingo, the "life style" or established support groups. I live in a "military unfriendly" area, so my friends really can't understand what I'm going through and the community atmostphere isn't doing me any good.
A lot of information dissemination mechanisms have kicked in, but none are helping me in this transition. It all makes some assumption that I would know about the military and all the baggage that goes with it. There's a whole new "language" and set of acronyms I need to learn and understand. There's protocol and other such things. I really don't have the time to build this whole new part into our lives (which I'm hoping will be very temporary) but at the same time I feel alone and don't know where to find the answers to my questions: How do I cope with the fact my husband is a whole other being than his civilian self? What emails do I ignore (such as when I get invited to things by total strangers, is it ok to decline, or am I offending some general's wife?) What do I tell our daughters (ages 8 and 3)? How do I continue with my career, two kids, house remodel and all other day-to-day typical family things I must take on alone? I'm looking for any advice, support, words of wisdom that other women in a similar circumstance may have to offer.
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live in a town that has alot of military people so it is hard. I also work
and have two children and that is hard too. All that I can tell you is you
get into a routine and things will eventually fall into place for you. My
husband has been gone for two months now, and the begining was the hardest,
just because you do not know how to cope, but you will learn ways. I don't get
to post on
here as often as I would like, but it is a great board, with alot of great NG
wives and also alot of "full timers" who have alot of wisdom and advice to
share. Also go to the home page, there is alot of info and also a list of
military acronyms. If you have a question or are confused about something, just
post here and someone will try to help you. I know it seems hard right now
but things will get better. Good luck to you!!!!
Hugs!
Jenn Proud wife to Jeff AR NG
Anyhoo, I hope you get some answers. One thing I will answer is that your husbands unit should have a POC (Point of Contact) person for you to ask ANY questions!! (Like, "Am I offending someone if I decline to go.") That person (usu. a military person) will know everyone's rank and will let you know the etiquette. I've learned a lot from my DHs unit's POC. She's a Sargeant 1st Class and she is very "down to Earth". I hope yours can be as well.
Good luck - HUGS - and post often. We're all in this together - active or RESERVIST!! no matter what Branch. We need to support ALL!
~Kat, Proud Army Natl Gaurd Wife and mom of 3
We are all military wives. The only requirement is that they serve. Granted it is not our everyday lives because our dh's are reservists but we need the help of the full time military wives to help us get thru this. I have a lot of respect for those who's hubands serve full time -- I always have. My dh has been in the service for 13 years. He got activated right after Sept. 11th. The biggest change for me was how we were informed about our benefits. ((NOT)) I had a headache for three days trying to figure out all the new information. Anyhow, my husband has been deployed a couple of times -- the very first time was overseas. The best advise I can give is to keep yourselves busy -- in the normal routine of things -- even when it sucks !!!!! Some suggestions for the kids -- have them write letters (even if that consists of drawing a picture). Also, have the school aged children write letters from their class. I did this with my ds's class. In fact we also did this with a niece and newphew and had my dh visit the class when he came back. As for family, unless they experienced it they don't have a clue -- sorry kinda of harsh but it is the truth. Set up people that you can rely on for babysitting -- or to have a couple of hours to yourself. ONE IMPORTANT THING THAT YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW -- IF YOU ENROLL IN UNITED CONCORDIA (Dental thru the service) -- YOU HAVE TO DO THIS WITHIN the first 30 days of activation in order to cancel the service when you dh is deactivated. Otherwise you will be required to be enrolled for a year -- and the rates do change from activated to reservist status. Also, make sure paperwork is in order, wills, POA's (power of attorney's). Also, take advantage of the Soldier's and Saliors Act (will drop all current bills to 6 percent). Also, if possible get the e-mail address of some of the other woman serving in your dh's unit. I did not have a good FRG (Family Readiness Group) when it came to socializing. Good Luck to everyone. Dana
We are all military wives. The only requirement is that they serve. Granted it is not our everyday lives because our dh's are reservists but we need the help of the full time military wives to help us get thru this. I have a lot of respect for those who's hubands serve full time -- I always have. My dh has been in the service for 13 years. He got activated right after Sept. 11th. The biggest change for me was how we were informed about our benefits. ((NOT)) I had a headache for three days trying to figure out all the new information. Anyhow, my husband has been deployed a couple of times -- the very first time was overseas. The best advise I can give is to keep yourselves busy -- in the normal routine of things -- even when it sucks !!!!! Some suggestions for the kids -- have them write letters (even if that consists of drawing a picture). Also, have the school aged children write letters from their class. I did this with my ds's class. In fact we also did this with a niece and newphew and had my dh visit the class when he came back. As for family, unless they experienced it they don't have a clue -- sorry kinda of harsh but it is the truth. Set up people that you can rely on for babysitting -- or to have a couple of hours to yourself. ONE IMPORTANT THING THAT YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW -- IF YOU ENROLL IN UNITED CONCORDIA (Dental thru the service) -- YOU HAVE TO DO THIS WITHIN the first 30 days of activation in order to cancel the service when you dh is deactivated. Otherwise you will be required to be enrolled for a year -- and the rates do change from activated to reservist status. Also, make sure paperwork is in order, wills, POA's (power of attorney's). Also, take advantage of the Soldier's and Saliors Act (will drop all current bills to 6 percent). Also, if possible get the e-mail address of some of the other woman serving in your dh's unit. I did not have a good FRG (Family Readiness Group) when it came to socializing. Good Luck to everyone. Dana
We are all military wives. The only requirement is that they serve. Granted it is not our everyday lives because our dh's are reservists but we need the help of the full time military wives to help us get thru this. I have a lot of respect for those who's hubands serve full time -- I always have. My dh has been in the service for 13 years. He got activated right after Sept. 11th. The biggest change for me was how we were informed about our benefits. ((NOT)) I had a headache for three days trying to figure out all the new information. Anyhow, my husband has been deployed a couple of times -- the very first time was overseas. The best advise I can give is to keep yourselves busy -- in the normal routine of things -- even when it sucks !!!!! Some suggestions for the kids -- have them write letters (even if that consists of drawing a picture). Also, have the school aged children write letters from their class. I did this with my ds's class. In fact we also did this with a niece and newphew and had my dh visit the class when he came back. As for family, unless they experienced it they don't have a clue -- sorry kinda of harsh but it is the truth. Set up people that you can rely on for babysitting -- or to have a couple of hours to yourself. ONE IMPORTANT THING THAT YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW -- IF YOU ENROLL IN UNITED CONCORDIA (Dental thru the service) -- YOU HAVE TO DO THIS WITHIN the first 30 days of activation in order to cancel the service when you dh is deactivated. Otherwise you will be required to be enrolled for a year -- and the rates do change from activated to reservist status. Also, make sure paperwork is in order, wills, POA's (power of attorney's). Also, take advantage of the Soldier's and Saliors Act (will drop all current bills to 6 percent). Also, if possible get the e-mail address of some of the other woman serving in your dh's unit. I did not have a good FRG (Family Readiness Group) when it came to socializing. Good Luck to everyone. Dana
I hope that you'll come here for support. There are plenty of people here who understand. YOu don't have to speak the language, we're all just here for one another.
We have a lot of information on Military Wives homepage (where you'll find a list of commonly used military acronyms) and on our FAQ page (general info.). You'll find links to both at the top of our board.
I hope you'll stick around.
:) Melissa, army wife in TX
We are all military wives. The only requirement is that they serve. Granted it is not our everyday lives because our dh's are reservists but we need the help of the full time military wives to help us get thru this. I have a lot of respect for those who's hubands serve full time -- I always have. My dh has been in the service for 13 years. He got activated right after Sept. 11th. The biggest change for me was how we were informed about our benefits. ((NOT)) I had a headache for three days trying to figure out all the new information. Anyhow, my husband has been deployed a couple of times -- the very first time was overseas. The best advise I can give is to keep yourselves busy -- in the normal routine of things -- even when it sucks !!!!! Some suggestions for the kids -- have them write letters (even if that consists of drawing a picture). Also, have the school aged children write letters from their class. I did this with my ds's class. In fact we also did this with a niece and newphew and had my dh visit the class when he came back. As for family, unless they experienced it they don't have a clue -- sorry kinda of harsh but it is the truth. Set up people that you can rely on for babysitting -- or to have a couple of hours to yourself. ONE IMPORTANT THING THAT YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW -- IF YOU ENROLL IN UNITED CONCORDIA (Dental thru the service) -- YOU HAVE TO DO THIS WITHIN the first 30 days of activation in order to cancel the service when you dh is deactivated. Otherwise you will be required to be enrolled for a year -- and the rates do change from activated to reservist status. Also, make sure paperwork is in order, wills, POA's (power of attorney's). Also, take advantage of the Soldier's and Saliors Act (will drop all current bills to 6 percent). Also, if possible get the e-mail address of some of the other woman serving in your dh's unit. I did not have a good FRG (Family Readiness Group) when it came to socializing. Good Luck to everyone. Dana
You have found the right place to find answers or just hang out. Whether you are a reservists wife or not you are still a military wife and we love having new members!
I'm Emma-Jayne, British wife on an American Airman (Deployed), we have one daughter (7).
As far as helping you kids cope I have found being very open with my daughter is helping, she sees a little news and if she has questions I answer them as best I can. When she was smaller she really didn't notice when my husband was gone and that was usually 4 mths out of the year. Keeping my regular routine as much as possible helped!
Hope to see you post often, the advice is great around here, not too good at giving it myself though, LOL!!
Hugs
E-J
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