So why is today so hard?

Avatar for ms_suzzyq
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Registered: 03-26-2003
So why is today so hard?
8
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 12:26pm
I'm not sure what is wrong with me today but I keep crying. I've been so good about not crying or being emotional about all of this but today it just feels to be too much to deal with. I am a wreck and he hasn't even left the continent yet. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I don't know. I just wish we could be together until he actually leaves. Everyday that he is still on base is another day added to our waiting period to start counting down until he comes back. Does that make any sense? If he was over there at least I could be looking forward to him coming back. At this point I hate the ambiguity and uncertainty of everything going on in my life right now. He could leave tomorrow or in two weeks, he could be gone up to 1.5 years, I am being terminated from my job due to a funding crisis, my visa application is going nowhere fast and the waiting period keeps being extended, and I feel so isolated up here. No one in Canada understands what I'm going through and I'm so tired of answering questions about the war and DH.

Sorry for unloading on you all. I know each of you is dealing with your own crises at the moment.

Susan

Avatar for seamour
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 12:43pm
You have every reason to cry. You just had to go thru a really hard goodbye and have so much uncertianty and unknowns in your life right now. Let it all out and have a good cry, then take a nice bubble bath and a nap.

HUGS

Mic

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Avatar for cl_americanarose
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Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 12:47pm
Hugs Susan,

It is hard when you are waiting for the waiting to begin. I always find that the time before he leaves is the hardest and most tense moments in our lives. Even worse you aren't there to be with him so I think that is harder in some ways.

I am sending hugs!!

Rose

Avatar for cl_melisca
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 1:44pm
Oh my gosh! You are entitled to have a meltdown once in awhile! .. And wanting him to leave so he can come back makes perfect sense to this crowd. Adding getting terminated and going through the frustrating visa process, how can you not be frustrated and just plain depressed?

You've been doing so well and you're STILL doing well. We all need a couple hours, sometimes a whole day of just plain feeling sorry for ourselves. I mean, come on, it's not exactly natural or normal to say goodbye to the husband you LOVE for a year or so. It's not natural, but we can do it. (Or so I'm told! LOL)

Today is hard, but tomorrow will be better. Maybe three days from now will be hard again, but thank God the super hard days aren't every day, huh?

You've got us. ((hugs))

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 1:46pm
Hugs to you... it's hard, I know and you have every right to have a tearful day. I think that we need that...a day to just let the tears out and be sad. Tomorrow is a new day and you can start fresh, and you'll feel better because you let things out today.

I'm having a tearful day myself today so know that you aren't alone with your boxes of Kleenex. :)

Hopefully things with your Visa will get straightened out sooner rather than later... Just keep hanging in there.

Hugs sweetie ~ Jami

Avatar for ms_suzzyq
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 8:10pm
Thanks for your support ladies. I am starting to feel a bit better but I think it is just going to be one of those weekends. I did manage to clean the house for four hours to keep myself busy. Looks pretty darn good around here now. Even cleaned up the yard and brushed the dog. Now of course, everything is done and I'm trying to find something to keep me busy and not thinking about DH.

He did email me today and told me that everything would be fine and that he loved me so that helped. He also gave me a quick phone call before he went out for dinner and a movie with a bunch of people...that didn't make me feel all that great since I'm home alone with CNN and salsa and chips for dinner.

Well, I'm going to try to find something to do...

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 8:22pm
Susan, honey, please don't beat yourself up over this. We all have our moments, and you have been a very strong woman, and I know that you will continue to be one.

Allow yourself the *bad* and sad moments, days even, sometimes all this stuff we, as military wives keep inside, has to be let out. That's all this is, tomorrow will be a better day.

You've got my IM and e-mail, if ya need me, I'm here for you!

Love,

Chris
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 12:29pm
I just wanted to give you a hug Susan! You have a lot more on your plate other than the war. I am totally like you. The uncertainity of what's going on is taking it's toll on me. And I've been watching way too much TV. lol Just keep your chin up. I know that's easier said than done, but in all honesty, that's all you can do. Give me a yell anytime you need to talk, ok?

Huge Huge Hugs!

Jami

Avatar for ms_suzzyq
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 1:06pm
Thank you so much Jami. I needed that. I'm trying to keep my chin up today. I'm going to take myself to Starbucks and Old Navy. No, I don't really have any money to spend but I'm going to anyhow. lol

I'm also trying to believe DH when he says everything is going to be fine. Somedays that is easier said than done.

Oh, and I'm watching too much tv too but honestly I feel the need to be up to date with what is happening. I hate the unknown more than seeing the pictures on tv.

Hugs to you and DS too.

Susan