What's it like being a military wife?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
What's it like being a military wife?
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 2:47pm

I loved reading this article about one military wife's experience:  http://marietta.patch.com/articles/life-as-a-military-wife

She and her husband had a lot of ups and downs, even divorcing briefly before remarrying.

Can you relate to her experiences?

Avatar for momrisner
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-1998
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 10:30pm

Gina -

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don't.  Each of our cases is so different.  DH and I were both AD for the first part of our marriage, but he was the one who was gone all the time.  I managed to not deploy at all during my career (at the time I was in, there were not as many deployments as there are now), but I got out due to the face we always seemed to be on opposite shifts and waving at each other as we passed on the highway. I loved being military, but being active duty AND a military spouse was just too much for me, although i know others who made it work.

We've both been out a few years now, and I know that there is more pressure on people and less people to do the job with which adds to the pressure.  

As for your dh, I do not know what to tell you.  For me, I would want to weigh all my options, especially when it comes to reassignment.  Has he spoken to his superiors about the job and the expectations for it being a strain on his personal life?  




iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2008
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 9:32pm

It can definitely be rough at times.  Though I don't think I'd ever secretly divorce my husband, that just seems wrong. Both my husband and I are AD Air Force.  I'm a doctor in training (AKA resident, like in Gray's Anatomy) and he's in Satelite operations.  We have two delightful 2 year old boys, fraternal twins.  We've been married for 8 years and until I started residency and he started his current job, things were pretty awesome.  Sure, he was gone occasionally for 6 weeks at a time, we were separated for a year my first year of medical school, but for the most part, life was good.

Now, we're really struggling.  We're both working 60-80 hours a week, not by choice.  He's the exec officer for some General Equivalent, a job he didn't want, but didn't feel like he could turn down, if you know what I mean.  Now he's been in the job for 6 months and he hates it with a passion.  He comes home every day, completely bummed out and depressed.  We're not PCSing for another year, so I think the best thing would be to tell them he doesn't want the job anymore.  However, he thinks this will be career suicide, which he's probably right.  He's prior enlisted, so he has about 14 years in already. This of course makes him feel powerless and trapped and he often rants about how he hates his life and we shouldn't have had children and it's never going to get better, etc, etc.  He refuses to treat his depression, claiming that if his life were different, he wouldn't be struggling; plus it would mess up his security clearance if they knew he was depressed.  Ugh!

Anyone have any experience with this? Any suggestions?  I don't want him to submarine his career, but I feel like he may already be doing that.  He's not doing well in this job because he can't work more hours to get stuff done because I need him at home with the kids.  On top of that, our nanny just quit because we were making her work too many hours and "you guys don't spend enough time with your children." Ouch.

I try to be supportive, I listen to him rant, say things like, "It'll get better." But I feel like it's ineffective.  And I'm not going to tell him to quit the job, because that's his decision to make (and he wouldn't listen to me anyway).  Anyone dealt with this?

I will stand by him no matter what, but it can be so frustrating sometimes!