Why Do I feel So Guilty?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Why Do I feel So Guilty?
10
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 2:42pm
I feel so guilty that I still have my husband home with me. I watch all these families being broke apart from this war. I feel badly for the lives that have been lost & the families left behind. I have no idea why I feel so bad that I have a husband when so many others have lost their husbands. Is this normal?

Pearl

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 2:49pm
This has been a common issue among us who have our DHs home right now, and in my case not in a deployable status. I continuously feel guilty, so I don't have any way of helping eliminate your guilt, with the exception of letting you know that you are not alone, and I feel that it's completely normal. I attribute it to empathy, which is an excellent trait to have, it shows that you care deeply about the people around you.

I don't think that I've "met" you before, so welcome to the board and I hope you come around often.

Keri - Navy wife in Texas

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 3:19pm
Hi Pearl,

I know exactly what you mean. My DH is home with me also. Last week he told me he's going to be TDY for 2 weeks starting Sunday the 6th. I freaked out a bit. But he's going to be here in the states. This is going to be our first time apart and I'm still sad to see him go. I shouldnt be like this. I feel like I'm being selfish because there are other wives out there that their husbands are a gazillion miles away. All I can say is that I thank God my hubby is here with me and I've learned not to take him or anyone for granted. I show him how much I love him and appreciate him everday because we never know if tomorrrow he may be deployed. What I do is pray every day for those families that are seperated; pray for their safe arrival home and to give their families strength, patience, love, peace while waiting for their return.

Cynthia

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 3:36pm
I don't think I've met you either! Welcome. I don't know if it will help any, but I feel guilty too! My husband is in Korea. We've seen him 3 weeks out of the last 9 months & he'll be there til January, so it will be a while before we get to see him again. But, I get phone calls all the time, and he has a cell phone there so I can call if I need to (or just really want to). But, I do feel very guilty when I talk to the other ladies & I know that they haven't gotten a phone call or a letter or anything in a really long time. I think it's just part of being a good person that you want others to be happy. When you know that other people are having a hard time, or going through something difficult you just wish there was something that you can do to make it easier on them. Don't feel guilty. Enjoy every minute of your time with your husband for all of us who can't. We'll live vicariously through you! Hope to see you posting often!

Jenn proud Hooah wife to Tim

Avatar for cl_melisca
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 4:10pm
It's normal... and stop it! LOL. I was feeling guilty posting here because my DH is home right now (but will be leaving in a couple weeks). We have wives here whose husbands are in 3rd I.D., leading the way to Baghdad, and I'm having a bad day because the baby won't stop crying? You know what I mean?

Don't feel guilty though. We all take turns having our DH's in harm's way. Plus, feeling guilty doesn't benefit the wives whose husbands are away. The best thing to do is cherish your time with him, and not take one moment for granted.

((hugs))

:) melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 4:39pm
You know, I just had the same conversation with my parents today.My husband is active, but I am also in the Reserves and I am feeling really guilty like I'm not doing my part to help in the war.I was offered to go to Iraq a few months ago and I turned it down.I feel very unpatriotic.I had my own reasons why I didn't go, and none of them had anything to do with not supporting my country or the war or anything like that.But, now I feel guilty and I know my husband feels the same way.He is in Germany right now and he is on deployment status (but was already assured that he won't be going).We both want to be there and at the same time don't want to be there.So, these feelings are very normal for you.It really shows how much you care about our country and our troops.

Brooke

Avatar for skisgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 4:47pm
Pearl,

I sometimes feel that way too. Sometimes I try to justify it b/c he was in the Gulf the first time around.

Obviously some military men are needed here for homeland security and support of those deployed. That's how I rationalize it.

DH's next tour will be sea duty, so his time will come.

Hugs,

Stacey

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 4:49pm
Dont' feel guilty! My dh is home also and I feel grateful not guilty. I promise your dh will get his chance to serve somewhere remote. Until then, love and appreciate him.
Avatar for seamour
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 6:11pm
yep completely normal, but you need to keep telling yourself you HAVE nothing to feel guilty about, we need people here at home to keep doing their jobs and protecting the home front too. My DH is not overseas, he is deployed halfway across the country though and yes I used to get feelings like you, but now I just get pissed when people act like it's not as bad cuz he isn't "over there", what ALL our men and women are doing is important, right down to us mommies at home.

HUGs

Mic

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Avatar for aprilturn
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 10:42pm
I feel the same way. My husband is home and the prospect of him having to go

anywhere isn't very large. His unit is actually coming home next month and they

left before we got here. So I've met a few of their wives, and I feel really

bad and don't know what to say to them. But I guess someone has to stay behind and

make sure things are protected here at home. Just my 2 cents , since we feel the same,

if you want to E-amil me, it's apricot714@earthlink.net

Smiles :-) April :-)
Avatar for hlilmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 1:59pm
I have felt the same as you and my DH has told me he feels very left out, but we are at a base that is in support of the pacific not that part of the world. We are getting ready to send DH to Japan for a while so I feel he is helping just not directly. He did participate directly in the Afghanistan operations so it's hard that he is not over there again helping, but he is still doing a good job here. We have to leave some behind to protect our homeland and keep communication open to families and all. There are plenty who feel the same as you me included at times.

Marie

AF wife in Alaska