emotional distance

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
emotional distance
4
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 1:31am

Hi Ladies, (I'm assuming you are all ladies due to the name, i could be wrong though. LOL)



I am very much in love with a fire fighter. We have had our us and downs. Recently though the emotional distance he keeps with everyone has driven a spike right through our relationship. We are currently on a break because he finds it very demanding to juggle his EMT licensing exam, testing for department, and a relationship. This is very understandable.



I am trying to take this time to find ways to cope with his distance that he usually carries. It is has been hard in our relationship in the places where he comes across as cold and insensitive, when he does in fact care, and can only tell me "it has a lot to do with my training". I know this to be true. But knowing and feeling it are different things altogether.



I

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 2:39pm
Just a quick question, how long have you been together total? That will help me respond <3
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 5:58pm
we've known of each other for years. have had our lives wrap together time and time again and were EXCLUSIVELY ( committment was a big thing for him ) for three months, until he had his flip out while dealing with the liscensing things and such.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Mon, 10-25-2010 - 4:08pm
I noticed that Jami hasn't responded yet - I'll poke her in the eye for ya ;)

Becoming a FF is draining, to say the least. And anything extra on the plate is, well, something to be scraped off, no matter how important it may be or become later. (sorry for the food analogy, I just had lunch)

Aaaaaaand, well, these men are usually protectors. I say usually, because there is an exception or 20 to every rule. He may feel that he's holding you back, or that it's not fair to you to demand exclusivity in your relationship when he is unable to commit any time or emotional resources to it. In short, he's trying to protect you. Maybe.

And no matter what his training is, it does not, an should not, apply to your relationship. To me, that's a cop-out (one my own FF used to use). You HAVE to have open communication to have a strong relationship. And open communication is H.A.R.D. Trust me, I know.

That said, a break is not really a horrible thing, right? You know your own mind and heart - it's up to you to make him see what's past the end of his nose (can I be more irritatingly trite? ugh). Don't be all crazy stalker-ish, but he needs to see that his behavior is not going to be successful in pushing you away, if what you truly want is to be with him. It might take a long time, and he may never "see", but it sounds like you need to try.

Let us know how it all turns out!
Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Kids Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
Wed, 10-27-2010 - 3:39pm

Okay, consider my eyes poked!

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