Hey, I'm new here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Hey, I'm new here!
8
Sat, 03-07-2009 - 12:57pm

Hey guys :) My name is Kathy I am 21 years old and dating a 21 yr old Firefighter, Chris.

I've been with Chris for 4 months now, we're talking about getting engaged hopefully by the end of the year!

I need your comfort.. I feel silly talking to people about this because I may come off as insecure or immature, but I can't help the way I feel...

Chris is working for a Volunteer department right now, here in South Florida it's hard to find a dept that's hiring... He also started working for Medics ambulance company.

My problem is that I'm having a hard time being comfortable with him working 12 hour shifts one on one with these women emt's and fellow firefighters. He promises me the world and that he'd always be faithful.. But when I don't hear from him for hours at a time, then he calls and tells me about how him and his partner haven't had a post and are just hanging out in the truck or shopping mall, I can't help but get that twisty sick feeling in my stomach...

My father had an emotional affair with a woman at work and I'm so scared that my man will do the same to me...

I just need comfort from those who may have felt this way :( I feel so silly but unfortunately I can't help but feel this way :(

~Kathy




Edited 3/7/2009 6:23 pm ET by xoiceox
~XoXo
Kathy
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2006
Sat, 03-07-2009 - 1:35pm
Hey Kathy! I'm Glynn (20) engaged to Z (23 this month). He is a paid volunteer FF/EMT here in OK, and he is in paramedic school as we speak. Welcome to the board, there are some very very wonderful and knowledgeable ladies here! And someone will pull out your welcome wagon soon!

First of all I know as hard as it is you have to TRUST him. Not trusting him is only going to cause more and more problems. Do you know what his company's rules are on talking while on shift? At my fiancé's department they aren't allowed to be on their personal phones from 8-5 and after 5 they are "expected" to not be on them all the time especially if it's really busy (or that's the way I understand how it works). Personally I would never become a FF/EMT just to pick up the men FF/EMT's. It's a very very big responsibility and hard work, so I highly doubt these women he work with are out to get him. They are probably married/dating someone just like the men are. I know alot of departments are very very supportive of men/women keeping their relationships with their significant other's strong. While my fiancé's department doesn't have any women at this moment, I do know that it would be frowned upon if a woman who was a FF/EMT tried to "wreck" (be a homewrecker) a co-worker's relationship. I don't know if I've made any sense or tried to help put your mind at ease, but just trust him, and let him know about your fears. You might be surprised he may have similar fears with your work/school.








Photobucket



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Sat, 03-07-2009 - 4:30pm

Thank you so much for your kind words. Everything you say makes sooo much sense and you did help me feel alot better... I hope my ease lasts! I know TRUST is the key in any relationship, but sometimes it's just so hard to believe in someone... Especially when it's soo good, I just fear loosing him!

Thank you again, it means so much to me!

~XoXo

Kathy

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket
~XoXo
Kathy
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Sat, 03-07-2009 - 6:14pm

Kathy,


Welcome - I'm Jami (33), married for almost 9 years to Don (35)

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Sat, 03-07-2009 - 6:22pm
:) yes u have. Thank you!
~XoXo

Kathy

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket
~XoXo
Kathy
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2008
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 11:54am

Hi Kathy! I'm Sarah, and I'm married to Seth who is an engineer with the department in Santa Fe, NM. Welcome to the board!

I can totally understand how you're feeling. Since we're involved with men who work in a profession that other women find really attractive it can be difficult to trust that nothing's going to happen - but Glynn is totally right - you have to do your best to trust him. And I agree, no woman is going to go through the academy and everything just to wreck other people's relationships.

When DH started with his department, there was a girl that was going through the academy with him and 17 other guys. There were all these rumors flying around about her sleeping with a few different guys (in the training tower, no less) but I made sure to talk to DH about it and since we had that line of communication open, it really helped a lot. And I know this probably isn't true of other departments, but in SF, there are some women that I even think shouldn't be there (they're lazy and I wouldn't trust them to pull me out of a fire) but the guys are definitely not going to turn to the women in the department if they were considering anything like that.

The thing that's different about firefighters (as well as other professions, like police) is that these guys have to be like family. They experience some pretty crazy stuff together and they have to know that they can depend on each other. It is a real family, dysfunctional relationships and all.

Does Chris hang out with the other people from the department outside of work? If he does, make an effort to get to know the people that he's spending a lot of time with at work. That's something that also helped me.

But overall, you have to trust him. If you're feeling like you need to talk to him about something, make sure you communicate with him, but also make sure he knows that you trust him.

I'm curious - was your dad a firefighter?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2009
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 3:20am

Hey ladies... I stumbled across this board and just thought I'd throw my 2 cents in.

I am a volunteer FF, one of 2 on my department and I also work full time as an EMT. In response to your concern, I can tell you that I (and other female FFs that I have met) have busted alot of ass to get where we are and the last thing we need is to have there be even a little rumor about us hooking up with other FFs! It was a huge battle for me to be taken seriously throughout my schooling and on my dept. I know if my motivation for getting involved in EMS or the fire service was to find a guy, I would have quit a long time ago! I cherish the friendships I have with the guys I work with, but it ends at friendship. While I'm sure there is scandal to some degree in some fire houses somewhere, I would not want my personal life to conflict with my work life, especially considering what an interesting field the fire service is! Maybe try getting to know some of the girls he works with. I have met several of the FFs' girlfriends and I am happy to report that some of them are my close friends.
Hope that is helpful... a look from the other side, if you will :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 11-10-2009 - 8:37am

Welcome Kathy! I'm Gail, married to Tim for 21 years. We have two kids, Matthew is 19 and Brittany is 18. We live in Philly where Tim is a career FF/EMT/Haz Mat Guy. I work full time as a Phlebotomist/Medical Assistant.


I don't think your concerns are imature, they are valid

Photobucket
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2009
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 3:19pm

Hey Kathy!

My name is Heather...I just joined the boards a couple days ago. I am married to a firefighter. We are from south Florida too! I've heard of Medics, my husband has known several guys that work for them.

I just wanted to welcome you to the boards and to let you know that I've been with my firefighter for almost 4 years and it is not easy. The best thing to do is to stay busy with your family and friends...Try not to sit by the phone and wait for him to call!

Please write back when you can. I am always trying to meet others who are from Florida too!

-Heather :)