Lonely cop wife...how did it come to this?
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|Sun, 01-02-2011 - 9:28am|
Hello. I am new here. I have read alot of your posts and sympathize with all of you. I just don't know how my life has come to this....me sitting alone seeking comfort from a bunch of strangers while my cop husband is upstairs playing video games. And on New Year's Day, nonetheless. Not such a great start to the new year:( I just don't know what to do anymore. I have been married to a police officer for almost 13 years. He started the academy when we were still dating, so I was fully aware of his career choice. At the time I didn't even consider the fact that his job might change him, and I am not 100% convinced that his job is a large part of our problem. However, the more I think about it and the more I read about the similarities in many stories I am becoming more and more convinced that I am in a hopeless situation. Though I don't have the same issues as many of you with the overtime and demanding hours, he does work the overnight shift (and has since he's been on the job) and this causes problems with our differing sleep schedules on days off, etc. We've found this shift works well for family life, however. He is always there for our daughter's activities and even if he breaks up his sleep and makes adjustments he really doesn't miss holidays or special events. However the quality of his time and attention is a huge concern. I am trying to figure out if over the years we have just both changed and grown apart and would have regardless of his job, or if there is something more to the changes I have noticed in him over the years. He is not the warm, sensitive and caring man I married all those years ago. Often he is very detached, judgmental and critical of me and our daughter, and very dismissive when one of us says something he doesn't like or doesn't agree with. He pays very little attention (if any) when we talk to him about our day or anything important to us. We often find ourselves having to repeat things and he often has no recollection of complete conversations either of us has had with him. Communication is non-existent between us as a couple. Any attempt I make to discuss how lonely and sad I am feeling is immediately dismissed and he turns it all on me and blames me for every problem in our relationship. He has become very skilled at turning everything back on me. I am MORE than willing to accept a large part of the responsibility for the problems in our marriage, but his inability to accept even the slightest bit of the responsibility is very disheartening to me. Though we both say unforgivable things in the heat of an argument, I personally find his detached attitude and angry comments devastating to me and take them very personally. A couple of weeks ago he called me a wonderful mother but a "shi**y f***ing wife" and that I think was the beginning of the end for me. He doesn't seem to understand that I have no desire to be intimate with someone who says such hurtful things, regardless of whether they are said in the heat of an argument or not. I feel very unappreciated and it is hurtful that he pays more attention to strangers when they speak than he does to me. Another large part of our problem is an issue with infidelity on his part with a coworker 9 years ago. I am