About to get married to a cop

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2012
About to get married to a cop
Sat, 04-28-2012 - 7:50pm

Hey ya'll,

I am getting married in 2 weeks to a police officer who lives in a different town than I am currently living in. We have known each other over 3 years and he has been a police officer for almost 5. Just as his girlfriend, and fiance', I have already experienced struggles with the lifestyle that is his career. It seems at times that he has to live this entirely 2nd seperate life that I know nothing about, and for the most part, really Can't know anything about for the specific issues he deals with on a daily basis.  I feel like I am understanding of those necessities, but I find it hard to know how to be supportive or understanding when I don't have a clue what is going on/what he's had to deal with that day.  I feel like being a police officer is so far from any other job someone may have, where they can freely come home and discuss their day at "the office" and I could somewhat relate to his day-to-day things .... I just have difficulty relating i guess. It's scary because his job is such a huge part of his life and that is therefore a huge part of "our" life that I am essentially not a part of. That's difficult ... as I think he knows all about my life, and it feels unequal. 

So I am moving to a new town, because he's pretty rooted there and I don't mind, since I lost my job anyway [the company closed] and I won't have any family still in this town I am currently in by the time I move anyway. But with myself looking for/starting new work, moving to a new place, where I have yet to make friends or find a church to get rooted in ... being a cop wife on top of it, where several nights a week I know I will be alone most of the night ... it's hard already. I don't know how I'm going to handle adjusting to it all. I've had a difficult year. Can anybody offer me some encouraging tips? Support? This site seems helpful but I have read so far a lot of sad situations that are discouraging me. Not to mention I personally have a few friends who were married to a cop and it didn't work out for sad reasons.  Thanks everybody for your time <3 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2008
Re: About to get married to a cop
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 6:34am



Please see my post to "Is Anyone There" for a description of the perils of marrying a cop! I am a female police officer. I cannot imagine being with someone who is not in this line of work but for men it's different (besides, there aren't enough of us to go around!) However, when I first started dating my SO/BF he remarked that it was a pleasant change to have someone who really understood what he goes through (he had never dated another officer before). However, we bothmake a conscious effort to talk about work for a set amount of time and then that's it. We have to de-stress and forget what's waiting for us back at work. Ask 99% of cops what stresses them the most and you will get the same answer: "It's not the guy jumping out of the car at night with an AK-47 assault rifle...it's the politics, the gossip, the complaints from citizens that we're too slow, too fast, etc. etc."

Like one of the Cop Wives said, your hubby may think you can't handle hearing about a gory suicide, or the stand-off with the armed subject holding a lady hostage until SWAT gets there, or the DUI who killed a family in a crash, etc. I have a lot of family members that just don't get what I do. They're proud of me, but they don't understand. Fortunately, most of my close family tries very hard to understand and they ask questions and they don't judge when I use "cop humor".

I imagine you're married by now and I hope all is going well.