Are we a couple or am I a fool?
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|Wed, 07-02-2014 - 10:10pm|
so I knew him for about 6 months before he asked me out. He took me by surprise so on impulse I said yes. We went to lunch that day. It was Halloween and he invited me to a party with him. I told him that I had to go and take my daughter trick or treating so he offered to go with us. I told him no because I don't like to introduce men to my children unless I know their going to be around for a while. He said he understood and texted me the whole time I was trick or treating with her.he asked if he could come over after she went to bed. I said yes and we spent 3 hours just talking and just hanging out. He didn't even kiss me until two and a half hours into it. Over the next several weeks we texted back and forth a lot (we live in different towns). every time I went to the town he lives in for work which is two days a week he would make me lunch and bring it to me. He was romantic and completely swept me off my feet. I haven't had good luck with men in the past and I kept telling him that I thought he was too good to be true. Finally I agreed to relax and just see where things would go.
the first couple of months were great. Our second date he went to a family wedding with me and he spent Christmas with us. as we approached Valentines Day he kept talking about how he knows how to do Valentines right. then Valentine's Day came and it was a complete flop. I got flowers delivered to work which was really nice and he made me dinner but he also got into a very negative conversation regarding relationships. I went home feeling sad and a little discouraged but I wasn't ready to give up. Soon after we pretty much stopped having sex. I asked him about it and he said he just didn't have a sex drive anymore. He's 33 so I don't really believe that. I honestly don't think that he is sleeping with anyone else. I just think he doesn't want to sleep with me. He also has a history of very unhealthy relationships and a very abusive and neglectful childhood. So I'm trying to allow for that and the understanding and patient but as time goes on he backs away more and more. For example when we first started talking he said that when he wants the right person he's a very sexual and for a while he was. Then he said he just wasn't interested in sex but he would be happy to make sure I was "taken care of".then it was he's not really interested in sex so we can make out once in awhile. Now we're pretty much to the point where we don't hold hands we don't hug we only kissed one we're saying goodbye and it's pretty much just a peck. I've told him that I miss intimacy and by that I don't necessarily mean sex. I told him that I miss holding hands and hugging and just being together.
so I realized that I was more emotionally invested in this than he is and I told him that I needed a little time to think and figure out what is right for me. I took a day or two and then we started talking again and i asked him what i am to him. He told me that I am his best friend and that he loves me but as a friend and that he needs me in his life. He says I'm his rock this port in a storm. He says he doesn't know what he would do without me but he's just not feeling the relationship thing with me. however he says we will still have date nights he'll still come down and stay at my house on a weekend or I can still come up there and stay with him on a weekend and nothing has changed. He said he still doesn't want to look for anyone else he doesn't want to date anyone else and I'm still his significant other.
my question is what the heck does this man want? I'm not asking for a ring on my finger or moving in I just want to know is this a relationship and how it's possible to be someone's best friend and significant other but not be in a relationship with them. If anyone can shed some light on this for me I would really appreciate it.