Dating a man that is married

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2014
Dating a man that is married
Fri, 07-11-2014 - 9:52pm

Hello everyone,

A year and a half ago, I met a very sweet guy and we have been seeing each  other since.  The issue for us is that he has been married for 17 years and for the last five he and his wife had a "don't ask, don't tell" policy for their marriage.  Meaning they could see other people and wanted to stay together for the sake of their daughter who is 16.  Since meeting me, he has decided he no longer wants to go along with this arrangement and wants a divorce.  I have met his daughter and he has met mine, and they come over often. Although his wife initiated this way of living for them, she is making it difficult to go along with the divorce and feels he needs to support her in the manner she has been accustomed to and she does not work summers.  She has spent the summer doing whatever she wants, coming and going as she pleases.


If we want to see each other we either spend time in my home or go out somewhere. I am starting to grow tired of the whole thing. Yes, I know I signed on for this, but I honestly didn't think it would be this hard. I want a normal relationship and he says we have one with the exception of going to his house. He is currently with his daughter on vacation to see his family and he told me he will take me there someday. His family knows about me yet I was not invited to go along.

I love him, but I have to wonder if I am wasting my time. This is a very unconventional situation!!  I don't know if anyone else is in this situation or has ever been?

Thanks so much.