Feeling threatened

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2014
Feeling threatened
6
Thu, 04-10-2014 - 8:23pm

Hope y'all don't mind if a man joins in.  5 years ago I was diagnosed with Parkinsons Disease.  I felt I was becoming a burden to my  wife and encouraged her to really throw herself into her career.  I did not want  to become a burden to  her.  She works with Autsim and now flies around the USA talking about early intervention etc..  She has become highly sought after and travels a great deal.  She is associated with Doctors and Attorneys and she is very attractive.  When she goes out of town I go to assisted living.  She dropped my off at my  care center and I saw her ride to the airport  witth a very handsome Doctor.  When she comes home to me she finds a shaky threatened husband.  I  fear her new found success will lead to an affair.

Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 04-11-2014 - 10:28am

People don't have affairs because they are successful, because they are attractive or because they work with people of the opposite sex--they have affairs because something is missing in their marriage.  I can't imagine that I know what it would be like to have a serious disease so I wouldn't say that I know how you feel.  But I think there is a lot of your attitude.  You see yourself as a burden and maybe not a good husband because you can't provide for your wife.  If you look at yourself negatively, do you think that you also pass those feelings onto your wife so that she will look at you as a burden instead of a loving husband who still has something to give to the marriage?  I mean, look at Michael J. Fox--he has Parkinsons disease but that is not what defines him.  Ok, so maybe your condition is worse than his, I don't know.  But I do know a lot of real life people whose spouses had serious diseases like cancer and not one of them cheated on their spouses because they were sick.  If you love your spouse, you would feel bad that they are sick and I think most people would feel extremely guilty about cheating on a sick spouse.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 04-11-2014 - 12:14pm

Feeling threatened is normal.  But really if all is well do not rock the boat.  Nothing poisons to well faster than accusations. Worst case scenerio she has a lover or lovers in reality so what?   It is you who needs to show confidence.  You need to do it to survive let alone live.  Not what in the future there is a cure then nothing changes but you are well.   Think of this while you are feeling that you are being noble in admittin to your medical problem you must also learn to be noble to her.   Noblesse oblige!

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2013
Fri, 04-11-2014 - 1:20pm

I think it is pretty normal for people who find themselves in your situation to suddenly become insecure. You don't say how long you've been married but I am going to guess that if she has been with you this long and cares enough to make sure you are taken care of while she's gone, then she is not liable to cheat on you right now. It would really take a cold hearted jerk to cheat on a sick man. Do you really think your wife fits that description?

Avatar for love.actually
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2005
Fri, 04-11-2014 - 1:22pm

xxxs wrote:
Worst case scenerio she has a lover or lovers in reality so what?   It is you who needs to show confidence.
 

Seriously? THAT'S what you respond with? So what?! Sheesh. 

The key to a happy marriage is communication. I don't know the OPs health beyond what has been stated, but I would suggest talking to your wife. Let her know how you feel. You don't have to accuse. You can say that you worry about something happening because you feel that you're ___ ___ ___ ___. She may even put your mind at ease. But don't just sit there wondering and worrying because it will drive you nuts. Do something about it.  

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2014
Sat, 04-12-2014 - 5:29am

Great advice.  I just see her feeling such a relief to be around healthy men that she might want to stay with one of them. She would look after me  even if she moved on.  Ironically it was me who insisted she have a life outside of loooking after me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Mon, 04-28-2014 - 8:36pm
I think your feelings are normal. Like others have said communication is going to be the key to you both being happy in your marriage.

Malea

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