He wants to take nude photos of me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2013
He wants to take nude photos of me
11
Thu, 05-01-2014 - 11:30am

I have been dating this guy for a while now and I can't think of one thing about him I don't love. He treats me great and sex is fantastic. However lately he has been wanting me to pose in various ways so he can just look at me. I was okay with that and it was kind of a turn on but now he wants to photograph me while I am posing for him. He insists the photos will only be for his private viewing and I trust him but I am really not comfortable with the thought of participating in this. We have actually argued over it because he says if I really trust him then I'd do it without giving it another thought. I am really struggling with this. Does anyone have any thoughts on it? 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Thu, 05-01-2014 - 12:55pm

You have the right to say NO to anything that makes you unconfortable. Don't let this man bully you and to try to manipulate you.

The next time he brings it up, say NO firmly. Don't engage him in a discussion about it. You are not confortable with it and don't want to do it. End of discussion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2013
Thu, 05-01-2014 - 1:08pm

I absolutely agree with mom_iteadrinker; say NO very firmly. You do not even have to offer him further explanation. You aren't comfortable with it so don't do it. If he loves you then he won't ask you or try to coerce you to do something you are not comfortable doing. 

Avatar for actuallyinlove
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2011
Thu, 05-01-2014 - 1:16pm

candysandies wrote:

I have been dating this guy for a while now and I can't think of one thing about him I don't love. He treats me great and sex is fantastic. However lately he has been wanting me to pose in various ways so he can just look at me. I was okay with that and it was kind of a turn on but now he wants to photograph me while I am posing for him. He insists the photos will only be for his private viewing and I trust him but I am really not comfortable with the thought of participating in this. We have actually argued over it because he says if I really trust him then I'd do it without giving it another thought. I am really struggling with this. Does anyone have any thoughts on it?

Do not do it. Things like this will always come back to bite you in the butt. Even if you end up married for 50 years, someone else could see the photos. I remember cleaning out my grandmother's bedroom when she passed away and came across some semi-nude photos. Not exactly what you want to be remembered by. 

If he throws it in your face that you don't trust him, you can easily throw it back that if he cared about you (or loved you, if you've gotten that far in) he wouldn't be asking you to do something you're not 100% comfortable with. It goes both ways.  

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Thu, 05-01-2014 - 1:54pm

"NO" should be enough reason.  No is no, if you've been dating 2 months, or married 20 years.  And if he had an ounce of common sense, he'd know that these days, there is NO expectation of privacy with ANYTHING you place on digital media.  And no secret ever stays buried.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 05-01-2014 - 7:40pm

I agree with the others.  When it comes to anything sexual, no one should be pressured to do anything they aren't comfortable with.  There are actually websites (I've heard) where men have been known to post nude pics of their current lovers or exes without their knowledge.  There have been cases of teenage girls (I sure hope you aren't one) who have sent their photos on cell phones to their BFs--maybe they weren't nude, but say in underwear--well the next thing they know, that photo is all over school because once it's digital, it can be sent anywhere and once it's on the internet it will be there forever.  It's not like the old days when you had one actual picture and you could destroy the negatives.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Thu, 05-01-2014 - 7:54pm

musiclover12 wrote:
<p>  There are actually websites (I've heard) where men have been known to post nude pics of their current lovers or exes without their knowledge.  There have been cases of teenage girls (I sure hope you aren't one) who have sent their photos on cell phones ....well the next thing they know, that photo is all over school because once it's digital, it can be sent anywhere and once it's on the internet it will be there forever.  It's not like the old days when you had one actual picture and you could destroy the negatives.</p>

I also agree that in the internet era, having nude pictures taken is an invitation for trouble. I would put my foot down here. If he can not accept no as your answer, get a new boyfriend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Thu, 05-01-2014 - 7:58pm

Like the others said, no means no, and somebody who really cares about you will want you to be comfortable, and will accept and respect that you have boundaries (btw your boundary is very reasonable and smart, for all the reasons mentioned). If it happened twice I'd be getting dressed. Not necessarily leaving for good but making it clear where the line is.

"if you really trust me" are some of the scariest words in a young relationship because they often involve some sort of manipulation. It could be nude photos, or a sex act or position that you don't want to try, or even something not related to sex or the relationship. When you hear those words its usually for something that you should not trust him about. Follow your instincts and be true to yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Wed, 05-07-2014 - 5:34pm

DONT DO IT!!!   Ask yourself this...WHY is he getting upset with you for not wanting to go through with it? IF he really cared about you...he wouldn't pressure you into doing something that he KNOWS you're not comfortable with becaue you wouldn't be arguing about it....These types of pictures ALWAYS end up in the wrong hands...ALSO what if you guys break up after the fact? then how the hell would you be able to get those pics back??? NO NO NO

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2014
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 12:40am

I agree that you should not do it if you are uncomfortable. 
As a dissenting voice on the other stuff, however, I have posed for nude photos and nothing "bad" has ever come of it (or nothing I wasn't comfortable with); the photos have not ended up "in the wrong hands." If you trust someone AND feel comfortable, it can be thrilling. If you are ever interested in doing photography like that, make sure it's what you want, for yourself. And ultimately--so what if someone sees you naked? We all possess the same parts, at the end of the day. What's it going to prove--that you're human? 

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 05-13-2014 - 11:36pm

  There is an option.  It is called watermarking.  What it does legally is establich your ownership of the  art.  That is why I suggest read up on it before giving a final answer.  It would have to be done with your equipment and programs.  It is some protection.  Men are visual.  However, there is risk involved.  If you wear a full mask  and have no tattoos or birthmarks that is another  but always use a water makr any way do not rely on electroinc tricks as those are easy with the right equipment to undo.  Also do nudes of him . 

  I myself never,ever trust.  It is a survival skill I learned long ago.

chaika

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