overseas job offer - freaking out

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
overseas job offer - freaking out
3
Mon, 03-10-2014 - 3:55am

My bf and I are in our early early 30s and we have been dating for 3.5 years. we are in a pretty good place, and are working together towards being with each other for the long haul.

Today I just got an amazing job offer overseas (Asia). I interview for this position just to try my luck. I wanted it, but I didn't really think I'd get it. And now I'm freaking out because I'm pretty sure I will take the offer. My life is going to change completely. I will have to leave my bf, friends, the life I've built for myself in a city I've only moved to around 5 years ago. I'm freaking out. Mostly because I've had a taste of long distance in the past, and it was HARD. I was in my mid 20s, I knew I wasn't gonna end up with the guy, but still, I was in love. We did it for a little over a year (making our entire relationship a little over 2 years). I can still remember the pain I felt in my heart missing him, how much I cried at night. This time it would be much, much worse. I'm so scared. I'm afraid that I'll regret it if I take it, and that I'll regret it if I don't take it. Either way, I risk losing something that's very important to me. I'm afraid to find out that I'm not as strong as I believed myself to be. 

When I told my bf about this, I cried. He said he's never met someone who's sad before they got a great job offer. He's supportive and said we'll figure something out. I'll have to give my answer in a couple of days. I hope that whatever decision I make, is the right one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 03-10-2014 - 11:25am

That is a difficult decision.  Would this be a temporary job or something that you would want permanently?  Is it time that you & BF discussed marriage?  Would he consider moving with you or does he have a job that's too good to give up?  I think you should consider all these things.  I think that very long distance is ok if it's for a short period of time but if this is a career move that has no end in sight, then I think the relationship is not going to last.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Mon, 03-10-2014 - 2:52pm

I don't plan on a permanent move however I am planning on investing around a couple years at this job. He won't move w me, at least not in the short term. Because he just started his career if he takes off he won't be able to resume it. And its not easy to find jobs in his field there. If he joins me any time in the future he would basically have to change careers. We aren't ready to get married yet and I don't want to get married for this reason, because I don't think we are quite there yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Wed, 03-12-2014 - 10:07am

I'm afraid to say that it's an either or situation. If you choose the job you might loose the man. If you choose not to run that risk you'll obviously not be doing the job anytime soon. You alone know what's best for you.... LT for 2 years US to Asia is not reasonable and won't work, imo.