So sorry to hear things are going this way for you.
I am not the CL of this board, but just happen across your post. Your situation is more suited for the Betrayed Spouses Board. I believe it is also under "relationship problems."
After your Affair is for those were either the Wayward Spouse (WS) or Other Woman (OW). No one here is in an active, secretive affair, but did participate in one. Although many here have also been a Betrayed Spouse (BS), you will want to check out the BS board.
For what it is worth, marriages can recover from infidelity. Unfortunately the board that was marriages in the rebuilding process no longer exists. There may be sub board for that on BS, so make sure and scroll down.
Just a heads up that there will be posters on BS who are very bitter and angry, so if you want to rebuild with your DH, seek out those posters who are on the same page with you.
Kim is the CL for this board, and I am sure will be chime in with support for you.
Serenity CL Making a Second Marriage Work
For starters, it's over! He made a big mistake, but don't we all on occasion? Not only can you not forgive and/or forget, he can't either. He hasn't lost his interest in sex, he has a massive case of guilt.......and that kind of puts the damper on romance! He is also wrong about not needing some outside help. That's exactly what both of you need. You need to find a good marriage counselor, and do whatever it takes to get this behind you. You're still angry that he screwed up, and as you said, you take it out on him. You need to let go of the anger......because that will continue to eat away at you. Look at her as the piece of garbage that she is, she probably was the agressor, because that seems to be her game. Get together with some of the other women whose life she's affected, hitch her trailer to a truck, and tow it out of town!!!
PS: It is surely NOT that you're not attractive to him, it's more that he knows you're still angry, and because you're still taking it out on him, he's insecure about how you feel about HIM! How interested in sex would YOU be if he was mad at you about something, and taking it out on you!