Broke NC after 4 months

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2012
Broke NC after 4 months
4
Thu, 12-27-2012 - 12:49pm

So I had made it 4 months and then I went and blew it & sent my xAP an email to wish him a Merry Christmas. I sent it on Christmas Eve and on Christmas day he sends me a response wishing me a merry Christmas back and a Happy New Year. I'm still literally broken inside, and doing this just opened back up old wounds. I still think about him often, not as often as I used to, but now that I went ahead and did this with a response back from him I am just heartbroken again at the loss of him. God these things are so hard. I feel like my heart is ripped out all over again.

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Thu, 12-27-2012 - 7:54pm

The most difficult thing you will have to go through, besides the hurt of breaking NC, is determining WHY you did it.

Most cases, if not all, are the attempt to re-establish the A. Is that what you wanted to do? Did you have hopes that he will fall back into the same old place and things will change so that you can be together some way? It doesn't make sense logically, but then we all know we aren't talking about logic here.

Do you want to reenter the affair?  If that is what you are after? There has to be a more honest, direct way of doing it than a feeble holiday greeting and beating around the bush. How about going over an knocking on his door?

If you really want out of it, you need to stand up, brush yourself off, and commit yourself to hurting while you wait for the hurt to go away.  Anyone who has done this will tell you, it goes away. Slow, but it goes away. It's a tough road.

Think about it. Why did you honestly do it?

I'm hoping you can find an answer.

Rather.... 

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Sat, 12-29-2012 - 9:08pm

Hey..just touching base. I did the same thing at around 4 months..lucky for me he never responded. How are you doing? It's been a couple days.

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2012
Mon, 12-31-2012 - 11:30am

Well you asked me why I did it? Cause I miss him! lol. I don't want the affair back, I want the life that he promised me! Thats what I want. I hate him, but I love him. I hate him for how cruel he was at the end, but I love him for how he loved me. Eventhough he obviously didn't really love me. Thats what I have to keep reminding myself. HE DIDN"T LOVE ME!! or else he would be here with me instead of there with her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Fri, 01-04-2013 - 5:24pm

>>>I don't want the affair back<<<

You can fool us with that, but you're not being honest to yourself with that statement.  Getting over an A is being brutally honest with yourself and the reality of things.  Not painting it with rainbows and roses and romanticizing everything.

>>>I want the life that he promised me!<<<

Well, sorry to wake you up, but all those promises are baloney.  See, cheating MM's will tell you anything you want to hear in exchange for you putting out.

>>>HE DIDN"T LOVE ME!! or else he would be here with me instead of there with her<<<

Correct!  Now may be the time to examine why you've settle for something so damaging to your sanity, integrity and self respect.  This is a very costly lesson to learn and our hopes are that we learn, make healthy decisions and move on.  Good luck.

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