The day after seeing my T

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
The day after seeing my T
7
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 10:10am
Hi everyone. Wow, the last 3 weeks have been just unreal. I saw my T last night and she assures me I am making progress. She says the crying, the sadness, the being lonely, the despair, is all very normal and she really wants me to let these feelings happen and DO NOT push them down. (she knows I tend to run from anything hard). As weird as it sounds, it was so nice to hear from her that I am not crazy. You start to feel that way when you cant reign in your feelings. She was SO proud I have not called or emailed him. And she was very thankful that I had this board. All that being said, I was kinda wondering where everyone else was who has been posting lately? The board seems quiet. And selfishly, it helps me so much to read your journey and know I am not alone. Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 2:23pm

I'll chime in. I am really struggling after the latest bombshell. Still trying to process, but the anxiety is taking a toll on me. I've spoken to him once since I confronted him to ask some follow up questions.The man is clearly a mess and struggling with his life. As Kim said, he's flawed. Of course I am also struggling, but I'm not online trolling for men. So...I am trying to distance myself emotionally and approach this rationally, making a list of all the things that bother me about his actions. I am talking to my T today. I want his help in this because I know I need to move on with my life but honestly? I am finding it hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 2:37pm
Idk... I talked to my T last night about this very thing. And you are right!! She actually told me to make a list of all his good things...we could name 6 together, and another list of all the bad things. The times he hurt me, how that felt, times he lied, things he expected from me. Believe me this list is much longer...I am still working on it. She told me that every time I get that "I miss you" feeling, to take this list out and read it. She herself did this 15 years ago And said she was shocked how well it worked. It gets the. "fantasy" life out of your head and the "this sucked" in. All that being said, I still had my moment of tears today. It just comes in waves. She assures me this is progress and to let those feelings out. I am thinking of you and lulu so much today. We all need to be kind to ourselves today. Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 10:31pm

i took a screen shot of his profile. i figure that will work just as well as the list. he called today to say he is sorry he makes all the women in his life cry. i told him to add that to his next online dating profile and hung up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 9:15am
Hahahaha.....oh...idk....thanks for the laugh this morning!! Sounds like someone is taking their power back!! Daisy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 12:30pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 9:38pm
IdK-- I know you are struggling, I am too. This first month of N/C is really quite the most painful thing I have ever gone through. I think that is great that you are doing it the way it needs to be done for you. You know yourself best and there is never one thing that works for everyone. We both have found our XAPs on dating sites....big ouch....so I think the fact that we are just breathing and getting through every 15 minutes is fantastic. I keep telling myself, I don't want to feel this pain anymore, but the REALITY is..I am feeling this much pain and I am still breathing. You are too! Stay with me...you gave me a great gift of having a laugh, honestly, at this point I would not have been able to think that fast to say that! ((HUG)) Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2012
Fri, 01-13-2012 - 7:18pm
Idk- love the zinger.....sometimes that last jab can be so satisfying. Hold on to that b**** inside. It's helping me along.