Dealing with the aftermath of my affair.... emotionally and mentally TIRED!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2014
Dealing with the aftermath of my affair.... emotionally and mentally TIRED!
17
Mon, 06-30-2014 - 7:18pm

So, 17 month affair is getting to be fairly common knowledge and the aftermath is not fun!!  My husband and I are still living in the same house, although I don't think we will be staying together.  My mom has said she is done with me.  Other people are voicing opinions.  Gee Whiz!! I knew it would get ugly, but all of this is overwhelming.  I feel confused and pressured all the time.  I know I brought all of this on myself, but it is hard to take.

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007

Soulshine, I am so, so sorry this happened to you.  I have been through a d day and I know how rough it can be.  Keep your head up and keep going.  It's allo you can do.  If you need to talk, feel free to PM me.

 

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007

DUPE

 

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007

DUPE

 

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com

Avatar for demecafe
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008

Hi, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I've not been in your position, but people are very judgy even not being in your shoes. I hope you're able to move on soon. 


demecafe

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2014

I have tried to prepare myself for the harsh opinions and judgements of others, but what really got to me was my mother.  She never even asked what led up to the affair.  All that mattered to her was what I did.  Maybe I was naive in thinking she would care about my emotional state...idk.  A few friends have been supportive.  My own husband was even nicer than my mom when he found out.  Life is just sucks right now as I try to decide which path to take.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2014
I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this strong spell caster. He could help you cast spells to bring back your lost love once that are gone, this spell caster united me with my husband Richard the one and only love in my life, we have and was planning on getting married suddenly my lover changed and started to hate me i did'nt know he was already meeting another girl, but when i met and explained my problems to this great spell caster he helped me to cast a spell that made my lover to love and cherish me even more, thank God this great spell caster helped me get back my lover to love me more, today our relation is one of the best relationship in the world and am so happy about it. You can contacting him today on his e-mail address: priest_iruekpen_temple@priest.com I assure you this spell caster can help you in all that you want. He also said he can help in the following problems: 1. Getting your lover or husband back 2. Spiritual bulletproof 3. Money spell 4. Prosperity spell 5. Protection spell 6. Get a good job/get promoted in your working place spell 7. Get a huge loan without paying any fee spell 8. Getting your scammed/stolen money back 9. Child spell 10. Pregnancy spell 11. Love spell 12. vanishing spell 13. Marriage spell 14. Popularity spell 15. Curing of deceases spell 16. Supernatural power spell 17. Goodluck spell 18. Winning of lotteries spell
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2014

I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this strong spell caster. He could help you cast spells to bring back your lost love once that are gone, this spell caster united me with my husband Richard the one and only love in my life, we have and was planning on getting married suddenly my lover changed and started to hate me i did'nt know he was already meeting another girl, but when i met and explained my problems to this great spell caster he helped me to cast a spell that made my lover to love and cherish me even more, thank God this great spell caster helped me get back my lover to love me more, today our relation is one of the best relationship in the world and am so happy about it.

You can contacting him today on his e-mail address: priest_iruekpen_temple@priest.com I assure you this spell caster can help you in all that you want. He also said he can help in the following problems:



1. Getting your lover or husband back
2. Spiritual bulletproof
3. Money spell
4. Prosperity spell
5. Protection spell
6. Get a good job/get promoted in your working place spell
7. Get a huge loan without paying any fee spell
8. Getting your scammed/stolen money back
9. Child spell
10. Pregnancy spell
11. Love spell
12. vanishing spell
13. Marriage spell
14. Popularity spell
15. Curing of deceases spell
16. Supernatural power spell
17. Goodluck spell
18. Winning of lotteries spell

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2014
Thank you! I am trying to just not think about my mom at this point, but it is hard. It is hard to make a decision about my marriage when everyone is being so hateful. It is hard to think about leaving a marriage when I know that others will turn their back on me, too. I want to do what is best for me, but some people only want me to do what they want.
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004

You could have made another choice 17 months ago. 

As they say, You've made your bed now you have to lie in it.

It is pure horse manure to think you can cheat and not pay the consequences, and as you've discovered, cheating on a spouse affects your  circle of family and friends, not just your spouse.

Time to get your brain out of your backside and do what's right. You and your husband need help to resolve the end of your marriage. I recommend you remain single and only date available singles from here forward. It'll be more honest than taking vows and then trashing them.

And, oh, by the way, you might want to put your therapist on speed dial. You're going to need it when your soon-to-be ex-husband moves onto a new relationship himself. Funny how the cheater can feel abandoned by the one they left.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009

I appears you are woefully unaware or unconcerned by the hugeness of your behavior and impact of your betrayal.  What you are experiencing via the 'harsh opinions and judgements' of others cannot compare in any way to the pain you have caused others.  The people you have hurt are not being hateful, they are reacting to your decision to betray your husband, friends and family.

Every action has a reaction, every cause has an effect.  You do not get to cry foul when you have brought disgust upon your self.

I have been in your shoes.  After my affair I was also full of false pride and self-righteous bravado.  It was my ego that got me in to the mess I was in in the first place and it was not easy to set that aside, yet at some point I had to realize that I could not save my face and my ass at the same time.  When not one person in my real life understood or agreed with what I had done - not. one. person. - and I found myself alone with my excuses, I had to take a step back and admit that I was much more messed up than I had allowed myself to realize.  People do not have affairs on unsuspecting spouses because they are mentally and emotionally stable.  It was important for me to get to the bottom of my inner emptiness so I did not continue to hurt my self and those I loved with cheap attempts at outside validation.

Please find your self a good therapist.  You are probably 'emotionally and mentally tired' from much more than just the aftermath of your affair. whether you know it or not.  You can turn your life around if you are able and willing to take a good hard look at your Self.  And this will be required of you if you ever hope to repair some of the relationships your affair has ruined.  Nothing less than 100% accountability for your behavior will do when you have hurt people as deeply as you (we) have.

Or, if you do no have remorse for your affair, please cut your husband loose so he can begin the long process of repairing his own life.  The sooner the better.

Good luck.

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