The destruction I have caused

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2012
The destruction I have caused
4
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 9:29am

I have been married for 32 years with 3 great kids. 25 years ago I had an affair. One would thin I would have learned from that. I never went to therapy then but my wife did. Fast forward to May 2011 and I did it again D day was December. I never admitted to have sex with AP until Jan. I continued to lie to my wife about the details of my affair. She never accepted or forgave me and the holding back and lies continued because I had already caused so much pain for her and could not tell her the truth. I have enrolled in both group and IC for 3 months now. I struggled with myself to come clean about this. D-day part II this past week about the number of times I was with the AP.Again I had lied before about the times we met. During this period before d-day part II my wife let me back into her life. I fully knew there was no forgiveness but we restarted or lives in such a great way. My selfish need to breach out marriage has now brought our marriage to an end. My lying , cheating ways has caused so much destruction that we're finished. I have asked & begged to remain at home for the sake of our kids.I'm not asking for answers I want to just let anyone who reads on this site and is thinking about doing something like this , no matter what DON"T. The pain and anguish that my selfish needs have caused to the only woman who ever loved me is beyond death as far as I'm concerned. I want to be the guy that she once knew and be the man , not the coward. If anyone had walked this path then you know . I never thought that I could become a broken man....to anyone who reads this all I ask is a prayer although I don't deserve one

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 9:48am

I think you are quitting.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2012
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 10:02am

Hi ratherbeme

Thanks for the reply . I am not giving up at all . I want this chance to work this out with my wife in the worst way. This choice that I made has consumed my life and put my work at risk. I truly don't deserve a another chance but I will not quit.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 10:59pm
Hi Obi,

Change is always possible.

Do it for yourself, as much as for anyone else. If you're broken - you have the power to fix yourself.

Don't sell yourself short - none of us here are beyond redemption.

Kim

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2012
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 7:30am

Hi Kim

Thanks for the encouragement. I am striving to repair the damage, the damage is done . I told my wife that I'm not quitting or giving up or giving in. She knows how hard I'm working on keeping us together for us & our kids.