Ending an affair- need courage

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2012
Ending an affair- need courage
2
Thu, 05-31-2012 - 7:41am
I think I was on the wrong board but it's hard to tell because my situation hasn't officially ended although I want it to. I met someone over a year ago at work and we have been having an affair for 5 months and struggling to end it. We said goodbye for the 3rd time yesterday because we both are married and I believe his wife suspects. I have a child, he with one on the way. We have been with our spouses for over 12 years and there just isn't the connection at home anymore. My marriage has become a partnership for our child. Neither one of us want to lose what we have at home but we care deeply for eachother. I have to work with this man so we keep falling back into it. The pain is so shockingly real. I never imagined being here and hate the person I have become. I love my husband he is a good man I do want this to end but I never antipated the struggle. Is it possible to bring my marriage back and stop comparing this man and how he makes me feel, to my husband?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2012
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 12:44pm
I let myself fall back into it again and I have felt nothing but pain ever since. Why am I doing this? I don't want it. How can it be so hard to sever the ties with the AP? It only feels good in the moment. I need to hear success stories about breaking it off and healing my marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 3:14pm

Hi Junie - it is hard to sever the ties, but you can do it.  The whole process of ending and rebuilding is a large one, so break it down into manageable parts. First , end the contact and the affair. Deal with that and its pain, knowing from all of the voices here (including my newbie 7 weeks NC one) that it is hard but gets better. Keep your focus on that until you can begin to add positive things back in to your life. IMHO it is a lot to do all at once for some, so start at the beginning, right now today,and make your way.

One thing I noticed was that each day I made it through gave me a little lift, like I had done something well. That, plus the end of the distractions of the affair, which were probably 40% of my waking hours, allowed me to see things in my M again that I had stopped noticing. Some good, some not so good, but at least I can see them and know what to be thankful for and what needs work.

 

lots of hugs to you, you can do this -

 

Daisy