Finally saw the writing on the wall.... errrr web that is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2006
Finally saw the writing on the wall.... errrr web that is.
3
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 10:55am
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Soul....welcome to the board. I am sorry you are feeling anxiety. It is a very daunting thing to end a relationship, even one that has no future and is hurting you and the ones you love. I'm just gonna give it to ya straight. It sucks. It hurts. And it the hardest thing I have ever done. This board is a huge part of how I survived it. Also getting a good T and finding out what the h3ll was wrong with me. BUT....it has saved my life. It has given me back my life. A' s are so all consuming. And you don't even know that till your out of it!!! But the fog clears, you see more clearly and you realize you need to figure out YOU. You are worth it!! The biggest part for me was finally being strong enough to go completely N/C. I blocked every way I could, not just so I wouldn't hear from him, but also to protect myself. I knew I was in a delicate place and could crack, so I made it impossible. I came here, I cried here, I wrote notes to him here. I wrote this really really mean note to him when I was really angry one day, and wonderful E1 on this board said " you thought that was mean? Mine was much worse!" ( or something close to that.). It cracked me up. We will help you. If you truly want out of this stressful, awful, ugly life of an A, we will be here every step of the way. Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Wow...This article really struck a chord with me, too! I have been very much addicted to the highs of emotional sex ever since my first A ended last year. I just ended another inappropriate 'friendship' a week ago... It was a 9-month mostly chat-based relationship with a few 'innocent' coffee dates. Boy, who was I kidding, there was really nothing appropriate about our relationship even though it was never PA.

I was afraid to give it up because after a couple of PAs, I think I was down to using this 'platonic' EA as a crutch/withdrawal remedy, something to sustain my addiction without physical contact. I "NEEDED" that to come from outside of my M to feel good, to feel validated and as though I still exist as a woman. But, with the help of this board, I saw the light, ended it cold turkey and I feel so much better. Relieved, liberated... a little anxious 'sober' - I am left with a lot of thoughts of my original AP but it helped me realize he was the reason I created the other PA and this EA, and I still have some work to do.

But, it is possible to give up this very powerful drug. As daisy said, it hurts, it sucks. But long-run, it will feel so good to be clean!

We are all here to help you on your way! That article was written for me, too, and many others on this forum.
Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
That's a really great article - thank you for sharing it! I like how it sticks to a "just the facts" sort of approach - that takes the emotion out of it and it sounds as though that was helpful for you.

So, I can tell you one thing that will help. And if you ask ME, of course I will tell you it's one of the "best things" - but I'm a little biased. :)

Posting helps. Writing it all out, sharing your story, sharing your struggles, sharing your fears and your worries - that helps a LOT.

For every struggle or fear or worry you have had or have now - there will be someone here who will say "me too!" You aren't alone - everything you are feeling is totally normal and they are things that all of us can relate to, because we have felt the same way.

Start getting it out...and see how you feel. :)

Hugs,

Kim