Frustrated with myself

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Frustrated with myself
18
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 6:51am
On of my best girl friends called today, I was home with the stomach flu and feeling crappy anyway. She got divorced a few months ago and has put herself on several dating sites. So I am sure you can see where this is going. She told me my xAP had just yesterday joined one. We are both now separated from our spouses, getting divorces and have ended our A after our Ddays. I have to say, I was a mess after that. I cried all day, but am proud that I didn't call or text him. I know it doesn't matter, I KNOW this in my head, but this hurts. He is now free and doesn't want to be with me. That hurts. I am smart enough to know that no good relationship can be built on the lies and deceit this A started with and the destruction of our families that it ended in. It just hurts. I feel like such a fool for believing all the things he said about us someday having a life together and that I was "the perfect soulmate and spouse" for him. I am so frustrated with myself. None of this matters!!!! It's over, it always had to be. This is the most painful thing I have ever gone through. I did just lay in bed and let the pain wash over me. I am a person who tends to run from hard things...so I just laid there and let it hurt. Am I doing ok? Am I getting better? I need some feedback or things I should be doing differently. Daisy PS...I did tell my girl friend to never tell me another word about him. She did feel awful and didnt realize how much that news would hurt.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 7:45am
Daisy, I honestly think that would be painful for any of us. Perhaps this will be the one thing that will drive your feelings over the top and you will now begin to let go.

Is it really letting go of AP that is the hardest or letting go of the dreams you carried about what you could have with him?
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 8:55am

Photobucket

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 9:08am
Demon - I think you might be on the wrong board.

This is a support board. Can you offer support? If not, might be best to just move along.

Kim

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 9:17am

Photobucket

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 9:25am
Did you read the board guidelines before you decided to post, Demon? Here they are:

http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Coffee-Break/BOARD-GUIDELINES/m-p/117255847/message-uid/117255847#U117255847

"Someone had to point out the fact..." - and you decided that "someone" should be you? Because you've been in her shoes, and can offer her support based on having been in a similar situation? If that's the case, then feel free to share your story, of how you were there, and what you did to recover.

But if that isn't the case, then as I said, I think you're on the wrong board.

Kim

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 11:02am
Daisy, I think most of us would be upset at receiving such news. I am sorry darling. That said, perhaps it *is* the impetus to 'let go' of xAP and move on with your life.
Big hugs!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2011
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 11:11am
So sorry to hear your story i know it must be hard for u , if u dont mind may i ask you why didn't you try to reconcile with your H? Are u the one who doesn't want the marriage ?
￱I also went through a very painful experience , similar to yours , only I was your H. I think I would never be able to get over my wife.
Hope things will get better for u.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2011
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 11:38am
daisyway3 wrote:
I did tell my girl friend to never tell me another word about him. She did feel awful and didnt realize how much that news would hurt.

I know you're upset, but I think it was a blessing in disguise that your friend told you Daisy.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 12:09pm
Still, I'm sorry for your situation, but this board isn't for the betrayed to post on.

You will find lots of support on the Betrayed Spouse board - link is here:

http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Betrayed-Spouses-Support/ct-p/iv-rladultery

Kim

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 2:35pm
Kim.... THank you for dealing with demon. That didn't help at all. I don't see anywhere in there that I blamed others for this mess, Do you ? Because I fully take responsibility for my actions in this. Am i missing something? That came off very personal, like they know me. Daisy

Pages