Going backwards.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
Going backwards.....
5
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 6:55am

I have been having some emotional, brain wrecking days lately....not sure why. Can't seem to get affair related things out of my mind. Is it because I haven't heard anything from XMM and it is part of the habit breaking procedure, a withdrawal of sorts, because after all, we had this "thing" for 10 years and his calling habits were almost like clock work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 7:56am
Beach, different triggers take us to different places. Each of us who had an A know what a huge part of our lives it was, during the A we become so emotionally wrapped up in it, that everything becomes associated with it....a song, a place, a date, a movie, so dang many many things. None of us walk away without scars.

Each and everytime we are drug backwards, we have to process it. Accept the memory, accept the thought and the feelings associated with it. We can choose to wallow in the self-pity and feel like a victim of lost dreams OR we can embrace that time in our lives as a period of growth.

Think back to being a teenager and exploring feelings. We date, we fall in love and we break-up. No matter what those boys or girls are a part of our lives, a part of our pasts. Eventually we moved on and dust settled over the memories. Something somewhere eventually brings them to mind here and there.

I think for me as an adult and falling in love with my X-ap was a tougher experience. Having lived and grown, I think we like to believe we know how to make adult decisions, good decisions. But in an A - 99% fail, we have no clue what we are walking into. So when it fails we blast ourselves over and over.

We can't control others. We are not responsible for others and we are not at fault when our A partners don't choose us. Most of us don't step into an affair looking for the love of our lives. We step into it trying to fill a missing void. As do our affair partners. Our emotions tangle us up and drag us in so deep. How do we think we are going to walk away without scars?

There are no rules on forgetting. It is just a part of us, a part of our life. It is something we have to accept and feel. But each.of us has the power to decide how it is going to effect us.

Keep posting, journal, work through the feelings anyway you can.

Remember you can't control thoughts, but you can control how you react to them.

Big hugs!!
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 8:47am

Thanks for the reply,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 11:26am
OMG!!! Beaches, that is my story exactly! I could connect with each word you wrote. I read over on the MAS board this statement."you were in love and he was in like"......the perfect imbalance, there was no way to change it, so letting go was for the best.
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2010
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 11:27am
Beach, very well stated. I'm exactly the same way. The go to girl with the shoulder for all to lean on. It hurts like Hell especially when the one you give the most to takes & doesn't care back. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 2:07pm

Isn't it funny how no matter how much we hate to admit it,