Having an Affair for over two (2) years with my boss who is married!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2010
Having an Affair for over two (2) years with my boss who is married!!!
10
Mon, 03-26-2012 - 1:32am

I am still in the relationship with this married man who is my boss. We have been together for over two (2) years. I want to leave, I want a life of my own and not just be someone else's third wheel. We love each other I use to think, he always use to tell me he loves his wife too but me more. He says due to financial circumstances and his three children is the reason for him not coming with me. As he is presently paying a mortgage for his home and cannot afford to pay one with me. He says he does not

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004

Hi,

So, you've discovered "the truth" about extramaritial affairs: You are a toy. You will never be No. 1. You will always be more valuable to the man as a sex partner than a true partner. (Yes, that's true. No matter what he says you are nothing more than a bed partner on call.)

He needs to go home to his wife and kids. You need to say 'never again" to extramaritial affairs.

Here's another reason you need to get free and do it quick: BOTH of you could be charged with sexual harassment. You could both be fired. You could be both be sued by your colleagues or coworkers. Your relationship compromises the workplace and ANYONE in your corporate walls could file a complaint with HR and take it to an attorney. You both could be unemployed and you could both be sued. Why? Because your illicit relationship with the boss could be construed as favoritism. If ANYONE has been passed over for a promotion, a raise, a crack at a good project, or a transfer because of the PERCEIVED relationship with your boss....you both will pay.

STAY AWAY FROM MARRIED MEN. These relationships are morally wrong and they compromise you in ways you have now discovered.

You need to take all steps necessary to end your relationship and get away. Time and distance will be your friends. Learn from this. Married men are not available men. And, if this it the kind of relationship you want - someone not really "available" then YOU have a commitment problem.

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Read the article I recently posted...and start to really think about this. It sounds as if you are at the beginning stages of starting to realize that you are being played with and used, but you are still also pretty tied to your feelings for him. It is a funny thing with affairs...they are all the same, just different characters and circumstances. We all desperately want to believe that ours is that "different" one. That we are truly in love with that person. This man's poor W is married to a cheater. And if he cheats on her, he will cheat on YOU. Truth hurts, but it can set you free. It's high time you start to see what it is about you that needs caring and attending to. Protect yourself and FLEE from this person. You deserve so much more and all of us here would agree that affairs specialize in degrading of self-esteem and erode our very souls. There is nothing valuable for you here.

Hearts <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Sometimes you have to let go of the wrong one, in order to.open the door for the right one. I would take the chance move your life in a different direction. You have so much life to live, don't waste it being his option.
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2009
It seems to me that when he says he loves you more than his wife, it really just means his attraction and chemistry with you is stronger.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I agree w/ everyone else--the best thing you could do is take the other job & move away & cut ties w/ him completely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010

Hi V21,

He has told you he's not going anywhere because he has a mortgage to pay, 3 kids and a whole lot of commitments that he needs to tend to. He's never going to leave his wife and yes I do believe you are wasting your time on someone that will never make you their priority. You are blocking your blessing from finding someone who is available because you are involved with a married man. You are young and have so much ahead of you and while your AP is living his life and carrying on with his marriage you are at a stand still of waiting for him.

You said you genuinely Love him but your not ok being the other woman. What brings you more peace? Another position giving you less pay or your own peace of

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2011
In agreement with the advice already given. Please know it will not be easy to end this, but that does not make it real or right. Hunger strike? I see a red flag there, Hun, and fear you will be in for a difficult time ending. Which, by the way, you need to do. Yesterday.

Best of luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
V21, have you found the EAS Board and its Healing Library yet? Full of all the information and support you need to reclaim a life of honesty and integrity.

You're not alone and we are all here to support you when you choose to end this A.

Kat
Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Hi, and welcome to the board.

I agree with what everyone else has said - and I think you should take this new job, get gone, and don't look back.

You have your whole life ahead of you - and a bright, shining future. You don't want to waste that in a dead-end relationship that will only hurt you and others.

Take the job - the change of scenery will be a great thing, I think.

Hugs,

Kim

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2010
I thank you all for the expert advice. I know I am a hard worker sooo hopefully I will return to the position I held before in another district. Will message you when I get promoted (lol), I ended it with him and will be at my new less paying job on Tuesday 10th April, 2012. You are right Gypsyrosie, he doesn't want to take no or accept the fact that its really over. He is living in denile. Its really hard cuz I miss him like crazy but I feel if I change my phone number (out of sight out of mind) I will not be soo sad!!!