Healing Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2007
Healing Help
2
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 10:29pm

Hi, All,

Well, I never suspected I would be posting on this board, but I guess I have joined the group of people who are coping with life after an affair. My husband revealed to me three weeks ago that he had an affair with a woman for less that six months. I was devastated. I never saw it coming.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 11:34pm
Hi Iluv,
I am not sure this board is the best suited place for you. We are a group of people who willing participated in an affair. We are healing after our affairs. There is a board for betrayed spouses which will put you in contact with people who have walked your side of the fence. I would never tell you that you can't post here, but this board is designed for a safe haven for people who have had an affair.
I can tell you that as a person who had an affair, which never was exposed, but had it been. I would have talked to the spouse if requested. But I don't think it would have solved anything or filled in all of the holes.
I can tell you, that my affair wasn't about my husband, it was about me. I also felt that it was my affair partners problem to worry about his spouse, not mine. He was a willing participant. I believe no matter which side of the affair your in, closure comes from you and your desire to take things where you want them to go. She doesn't have the answers for why your Husband did what he did. Your husband is the only one with those true answers, he knows he hurt you and is more then likely afraid to hurt you more, so getting answers from him may be tough. But stand your ground for what you want, push him if you have to and always remember he is responsible for his actions and you should not be taking the blame for his actions. I am not sure if anything I said helped, I can only hope it did. I do think you will get better and more helpful responses on the betrayed spouses board. Good luck in finding peace with your situation and marriage. Hugs to you.
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2007
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 1:39am

Thank you for replying, Sunny. I found the other board after I posted here, so I posted my message here as well.