Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
Help
6
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 5:05am

Help needed!!

XAP is back at work TOMORROW!!  I am so nervous I am sick... I havent spoken to him for nearly 3 weeks now, I am so scared, not sure how I will react when I see him, do i speak to him?? Or try to maintain the LC rules??  We are a very small close knit team and there is no where to hide.. I want to be the one making the rules not him!

Avatar for Sogladitsanewday
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2012
In reply to: Tily6
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 7:46am

Hi Tily! I'm sorry you are going to be faced with this dilemma tomorrow. I didn't have to have any contact with my xAP, and I sympathise, it must be so difficult. There is a section (or at least there used to be) on EAS in the Healing Library with advice on how to maintain LC with xAPs that we have the misfortune to work with. You have to be strong Tily, you can do this. Keep any conversation between the two of you strictly business and business-like, nothing friendly, put up your barriers and keep your distance. You are the one making the rules Tily, you are in the driving seat.

 

Good luck, much love, Soglad x o x

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: Tily6
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 9:33am

Morning Tily :)

For me I've found that if I am anxious about a particular situation, it is usually because of the unknown...but if I prepare and I am confident in how I will respond and behavior, the anxiety is diminished.  I usually meditate on it.  I work the situation, or whatever may come up in conversation, out until I am confident that what I say will be okay and will not leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Work situations are tough...I'll try to find that LC at work thread on EAS and bump it up for you (or float it to the top as we now say).

It always helps to be civil, of course...in any situation.  I'd keep conversation to a minimum, business-like and professional at all times...no personal discussion.

No pouting, no wearing of a sad puss, no drama.  Grace and dignity is what you want to achieve...just two adults (well at least one adult...that would be you Smile) whose relationship ended and both are just moving on and past it in a mature fashion.  

Good luck, and let's us know how it goes.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader...EAS


Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 9:34am

HEY!  Where's the body of my post?

Community Leader...EAS


Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: Tily6
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 10:23am

This time I will be smart and copy my post before hitting post...if I remember to do that.

I think the key, Tily, for tomorrow...and to reduce today's anxiety...is to be prepared.  It's worked for me every time.  If I am confident in my ability to handle any situation/conversation, I can relax.  So, that's my advice to you "be prepared".  Not that you can be prepared for everything, but you CAN get a handle today on how you will respond tomorrow.  Work out in your mind (I do this through meditation) how you will respond to what he might say...if he even approaches you.  If you have it already set up in your head how the conversation will go, you can feel confident that you will respond maturely and without fluster...and you can relax and enjoy the rest of your today. 

What you what to achieve is grace and dignity.  No pouty face, no sad puss, no drama.  Keep your conversation to a minimum, business-like and professional and in a civil manner.

You will lead the way and set the tone for your work environment.  You are two adults who relationship ended and you are both moving on past it in a mature fashion with no hard feelings.  I know you can do it.  It is vital that you do if you want to prevent a living nightmare at work.

I floated the thread on LC in the workplace on EAS for you.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader...EAS


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
In reply to: Tily6
Wed, 12-05-2012 - 4:10am
Thanks guys you wouldn't believe the number of times I have read and re-read this post today. I survived, it was hard very hard! Just seeing him was hard, hearing him chat to work mates etc being so close and not being able to ask the 100 questions that I wanted too. I managed to keep it all professional all day, I had to chat to him a few times but I avoided eye contact... It was so obvious! It's not going to get any easier only harder. I want to conquer this mountain....although at the moment it feels like Everest!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
In reply to: Tily6
Wed, 12-05-2012 - 6:00am
Good for you Tily6, I don't have much experience with LC but am glad you made it through! I hope today is good too, sending you strength - Daisy