Help me make sense of all this

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Help me make sense of all this
14
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 12:22pm

It's been a long 13 years with my now ex-AP and I just need some clarity from trusted souls out there who have been through the

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 3:42pm
ivirgogirl, welcome to AYA. That sounds like one heck of a D-Day. I am.sorry that xAP is such a scuzzball.
Have you blocked him from contacting you in any form so that you can start to get past this?

The Healing Library over at EAS is amazing.and really helpful.for new enders.

love and strength to you,
Rain
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 3:47pm

Ivirgogrl,

You’ve been hit with a tremendous amount of information that has you questioning so much about yourself, the A, xAP and the past 13 year. There is no short cut in sorting all of it out. Right now you are in survival mode. It helps to take it moment by moment at this point and instead of trying to sort it all out focus on one task at a time like maintaining NC.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 4:46pm
Hi there. Rain and E1 already gave u great advice. I just want to offer my support too. Hang in there sweets. One minute at a time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 6:53pm
Igirl....hugs to you honey. I can imagine the pain you are in now. I found out these same things at my explosive d-day. I went through much much anger with my xAP. I do get help from a T every week, just to make sure I never go back there again. This board is fantastic, the women on here will help in any way they can. Like rain, E1 and lulu said...one minute at a time. Come here first if you feel like contact. Hang in there! Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2011
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 9:30pm

I am so sorry you are going through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 11:07am

Thank you ladies, your kind and insightful words are very helpful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2011
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 3:33pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 4:06pm

I

Avatar for happyasme
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 2:40pm

Ivi,

How are you doing today?

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 10:18pm
Hi virgo,

It's such a lot to take in - and it's totally normal to be all over the place with your feelings. That will probably last for a while, unfortunately - but it will get better, I promise.

I believe that when it comes to healing, and reaching acceptance - we do what we can, when we can. You're dealing with so many things, a long affair, a d-day, a confrontation with the BS, being thrown under the bus, and being betrayed yourself - not to mention the fear of having your own d-day and your own relationship issues - there isn't any way that you'll be able to sort through all of that in a matter of days or weeks.

So, do what you can, when you can - and put the rest aside, to deal with another day. When you're ready, it will still be there, and you can deal with it then.

Give yourself the chance to heal a bit, and to gain some strength and some clarity in your own mind. And then see what's next.

Big hugs,

Kim

    

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