How does he feel about me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
How does he feel about me?
Wed, 08-14-2013 - 8:40am

I'm not proud of the way I had behaved, but it was a short time of my life where I went of the rails, I'm only human and have limits, mine was pushed and sadly that's what happened it could of been worse like turning to heroin or becoming a alcoholic. But no I sorted it out! I was home with my children all the time and what's one night a week to go out and have fun whilst your children are asleep? I rarely go out with friends now.  I've got myself into prespective. 

I slept with dean to try no strings sex and only had two glasses of wine and knew what i was doing.  I've only been with 3 men in my life never had casual sex until I separated from the father of my children! Like I said this was me going off the rails!! I was confused as to why I slept with max with no thought and how it's left me feeling? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 08-14-2013 - 9:11am

What happens to your children when you are out getting drunk and laid most weekends?  I would suggest that you are better off not putting any importance on messy re-bound sex, work on finalizing the separation and taking care of yourslf and the children.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 08-14-2013 - 11:18am

If things were going so great w/ your ex, then I wonder why you would risk that relationship by cheating w/ Max.  Normally if I am in a happy relationship then I might see a guy and maybe find him attractive but if I'm really happy w/ someone, cheating wouldn't even cross my mind.  And please take responsibility for your actions.  cheating just doesn't happen, like you have no control over yourself--you decide to start kissing the guy and letting things go farther.  If you didn't want it to happen, then when he first started to try something physical with you, you would have told him to stop because you were in a relationship.  But of court, you drink too much & then can justify it by being drunk, so it "just happened."  If you look at it, that's how you ended up having sex with Dean--after a few drinks.  And then you talk about having drunk kissing session with Max.  Is this the kind of person yor really want to be?  someone who drinks too much and can't control what you do so you end up having sex with people you weren't planning to do it with?  I sincerely hope that you're on birth control.  And I have to agree with Demontespan on this--unless you don't have custody of your children, how is it that you can go out so much on weekends?  I was a single mom of young kids and could only go out when my ex had the kids.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Wed, 08-14-2013 - 2:34pm

I am assuming since you are posting on After your Affair, that you are no longer seeing OM (other man) and want to reconcile with your DH?  And you are posting here becasue you struggling with lingering feelings for OM? 

If you want to reconcile with your DH then that is what you need to focus on.  And if he is in recovery, you will want to support him that either not drink at all, or keep your drinking at a pure social level (i.e. one bottle of beer at a backyard bbq)  If this is really what you want, then it really doesn't matter what OM feels about you or thinks about you.  Who cares about FB? I mean, really?  What matter is your children and your DH.

Even if things don't pan out with DH, that has nothing to do with the OM.  You and your DH either reconcile, or you don't.  But it can't be because of someone else. 

Good luck and I would stongly encourage you to look at your social environments.  Trust me, I get it.  I used to do the same thing.  And I ended up in recovery at 29.  You have a lot of things to look at and I really do hope you can find some peace so you don't feel like you have to have a man in your life.  I had children VERY young I know it is hard.  But they will be grown before you know it.  Enjoy them while you can.

Serenity CL making a second marriage work