How long does the pain hurt for?
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|Wed, 05-08-2013 - 4:11am|
I am sorry to be posting here but am feeling the more I write things down the more it might help me to come to grips with things. I had an affair with a guy many many years ago which culminated with him staying with his wife and moving abroad to work. After many years he moved back to the UK. However, all through the years there was always a little thread running between us. He would occasionally phone to see how I was, invited me out for a coffee, then when email started he would email randomly just to say hi...always telling me how me I was the love of his life.
Anyway cycling on a few more years and no contact with him again I then get a random call out of the blue saying his wife had left him and he was getting divorced how about us getting back together. I was hesitant for 3 years about meeting him and just carried on with emails here and there.
I am married but things in marriage are not right with intimacy etc.... so there he is the love of my life wanting to meet with me and give me love. Wrongly, I meet him a couple of times and then of course BAM...we are involved. He wants me to leave my DH and go to live with him so that we can start a new ife. The love for me was oozing out of every pore in his body. His life was revolvling around me I could see it and feel it. I am not making excuses but I was vulnerable around that time with lots of family issues but none the less did what I did. So for 2 years he has waited for me to leave my husband. I left to be with him twice but always ran back home straight away...he was asking me to make a life changing decision, move to another area with no friends etc etc. Also he is 10 years older than me and I was now wondering about the age gap and would I become his carer in later life Anyway I don't know I was confused...BUT I still loved him and the intimacy was fantastic.
Last week he sent me a text saying he couldn't carry on like this and wanted to move on with his life - obviously very apologetic. I know that I couldn't expect more I couldn't/wouldn't leave my DH to be with him.
However, I am heartbroken of course.....he has been in my life for so so many years and I have always been the love of his life and all of a sudden I .ve been chucked out and will probably be replaced with another model.
Of course he needs to get on with his life...that's obvious. I told my DH before the last time I left and remarkably he wants us still to stay together So I am working on that now as he is a very kind and loving person.
I regret bitterly what I have done, I feel like I have messed up everyone's life. The pain and emptiness that I am feeling not having my lover there is awful and its been a week now. So my title is how long does the pain last for. I know there is no answer for this. But as I said even posting this here has made me feel a little better.
Please don't be too harsh with me as I know what I have done but just need to get through this pain threshold of broken heart.