i am a cyberstalker :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
i am a cyberstalker :(
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 3:50pm

we are NC but i can't help but cyberstalk. it isn't that i can't stop, i just won't stop. it is obviously a choice but it is a compulsion! i am looking to find some reference to him online that i haven't seen before ... he is a physician in the area so every now and then i discover a new review of his practice... i keep hoping one day a photo will turn up on his website - or news that he is speaking or something somewhere - i don't even know what it is i am lookng for! what's wrong with me?

i zilow his house sometimes to see if it is for any reason up for sale

i check a local community message board that i know he used to post on, just to see if he has written anything

i even look his name up on wedding registries because i wonder if he ever got engaged to the new girlfriend he was seeing when we had our A

what the heck am i doing and why won't i stop:(


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2011
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 5:49pm
Oh miss, that's honest and cruddy. I am the opposite, I am so afraid of seeing his name, etc, that I won't go near anything that may contain it. I also dumped FB so I wouldn't see mutual friends or business profiles that we shared ... I'm just not yet able to consider him JAM yet! I don't know how to help you, but bet someone does!!

You'll get there!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2010
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 5:56pm
Doesn't it hurt?? Don't get me wrong, I do it too. I go to baby registires to see if the W has one yet. I cyberstalk her business website to see if anyone commented on her pregnancy. And after I do it...my heart breaks into a million pieces. The wounds are cut open and I feel jealousy and anger all over again.
I have cut down and before I do it I ask myself "do I really want to see? Do I want that pain?" And that has helped a bit
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 5:59pm
:( ! I believe he's very private and I doubt I'd ever find anything beyond the Google results pertaining to his practice. I just wish I would stop. I can, but I don't. I would say at least once a week I look for something. I know how silly it is and goes against healing and nc. I think I will give myself a timeline such as no Googling for a month or apply the 48 hr rule to my stalking urges next time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 6:02pm
right Odessa. anything i would find would surely sting so my logic and reason doesn't get what i am doing. i don't *really* want to know...especially about any relationships. i knew not a single thing about his gf nor did i want to bc i wanted no mental images. what i am looking for now, i don't know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2010
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 7:21pm
Its your way of hanging on to him
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 8:47pm
Hi Miss,

I know that routine well, though in my case I did it toward the end of the (LD) A fafter he moved, and we were losing communication. Now Day 4 NC and I have so far been able to stay away. But here's how low one can go when Zillow and wedding registries aren't enough:
Sign up for Match.Com as the ideal mate
Sign up for Match .Com as a competing man with the same type profile and see if women answer
Read his kids' school newsletter and hometown newspaper
Read his whole family's FB pages, even though you've never met any of them.
I stopped short of Google Earth.

You said it already, you are desperate for some connection to him. But maybe it's a connection to the feeling he gave you in the beginning, and like junkies, as it ebbs, we work harder to recover it however we can.

When I was fighting it I used the clock - no more checking until the next hour, etc. When i was tempted to do it anyway, I pretended that if I touched the mouse pad on that link, something really heavy and painful would fall on my other hand. Nothing sensible worked! Of course you would be upset if you found something like he was married, but even so, you'd get a tiny jolt of that good old feeling, that you were connected, that you mattered. It's a hard habit to break! Oh, one other thing that helped, I made myself use my laptop in full view of other people.
Still, the BEST fix has been NC! You'll get past this part too, since you're already on the right road.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 10:12pm
thank you, i will:) i feel like he's disappeared from the face of the earth..i know he hasn't because i see his car parked at his office quite often. i just sometimes can't quite believe we don't know each other anymore. i think of him going about his life and i have absolutely no idea what is going on in it. it shouldn't matter to me. for some reason it does. yes i am trying to establish a shred of connection. i hate to say that i miss him. i am now 11 months since last seeing hIm and it is just all too strange sometimes when i think about it. how can he just be gone? i know full well that he has to be gone. and if i did stumble upon him somewhere id be rattled.
i will try and put a stop to this. i never find anything anyway. 48 hr rule.will be applied to the Google urge. oh and i have "street viewed" his house online as well as found his medical school graduation composite from 15 years ago. so I've stooped pretty low myself...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 8:41am

Hi Miss.

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 9:23am

I don't mean this to be funny.


It's an awaking.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

Avatar for happyasme
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 10:00am

Hi Miss, I wish I had some super great advise for you, but unfortunately I have had (and still) have issues with cyberstalking.