I am so mad at him.
Anger—mad at xAP or mad at ourselves—is a normal part of the process.
Allow yourself to feel it but don’t let it overtake you. Let it visit but don’t let it take up residence in you.
It takes time to work through this and let go. Some never totally let go. It’s up to you and your choice as to when you are ready to leave this in the past and not let it affect your present and future. Be patient and give yourself time to get in a healthier mindset and then you will be ready to move on from it.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.