I ended it... how to ensure it's over for good?
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|Thu, 03-29-2012 - 2:17pm|
I'd been having a mostly emotional affair (some physical intimacy but no sex) for about a year. We're both married. We both had major guilt all along - thus the no sex. We fooled ourselves into thinking we were in love but just couldn't be together because of impractical circumstances and our current responsibilities. Over the year, there was increasing drama/me "breaking it off" but then going right back. We just got in this complicated, anxious circle of push and pull, come and go, questioning the relationship and our feelings, the future, etc.
I knew I had to just end it, so I finally did when he admitted how much he loved the lack of responsibility and fun I entailed - aka, he was using me. Duh. I kind of knew that already - and I called him out on it and broke it off. He was pretty upset and said he feels evil and that since I seem to think anything he says is BS, he won't even try to explain that I'm wrong and will let me go but will miss me and is sad/regretful over my decision. I am pretty sure he will never try to get in touch again - which makes it easier. He is quite passive and restrained.
I feel relieved now, and my husband (who does not know about this and I don't plan to ever tell him) and I are reconnecting - things with him never got bad, but I kinda checked out. I wasn't appreciating what I have. I got pulled into this web like I had no control, which was dumb.
But I do miss the other guy - mostly just the way he sometimes made me feel so fun and sexy... it really is like going through withdrawl after kicking an addiction. I am worried about relapsing. I deleted him off my contacts, facebook, IM... everywhere I can think of. But if I really want to get in touch, I can figure out a way. I can't do that ever again - so I am hoping you can offer some tips, resources, etc. about staying strong and keeping him OUT of my life. I know what I need to do; I am not so good at self-control when emotional, though. Help?