I knew it was a risk....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
I knew it was a risk....
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 4:48am
So....drive 2 hours Friday to file in small claims court against xAP. Remember he is very connected at courthouse and everyone there knows him, his business is 2 blocks from courthouse. Go in, file with city clerk, pay, she says "defendant is XXX and it is for 4500 dollars?" I say yes. And she says " ok honey, everything is taken care of, you will have a court date within 21 days.". I walk out, am putting my scarf over my head on the way to my car and there he is. I have not seen him since October and N/C since Dec 30. I am jolted with fear, but quickly say to myself, you are prepared for this. He says hi, I keep walking. He says, Dasy( real name here) stop and talk to me. Did you just file? I don't turn around, am still walking and say yes. He says, I have 500 dollars for you now and I will pay that every month until it is gone. It's all I can do with child support and alimony. I turn around and say " every month. You miss one month and I will file. He says he won't miss a month. I walk back in courthouse and ask the city clerk to cancel. We do that, and I walk back out. He is at my car. I stop and look at him, he is in front of my door. I said" it's cancelled, move." He says " all's I asked for was 30 days to think. To get things straight with my daughter" I said "please move." He does and as I get in my car he says " your hair is beautiful ( it's way longer) just like you. And I do love you." I close my door and drive off. I cry the entire 2 hours home. I get home, and on my business line, he has called 4 times. The only place I can't block. So I delete messages without listening. I cry some more. My closest girlfriends try and take me out all weekend to go "man hunting" , I refuse, piss all them off. I finally say to one of them..." I am brokenhearted, I am healing, this will be a long journey, but it will be on MY timeframe. Long weekend, start work Monday, had unplugged my office phone, and calls all day today. Ugh. Silence. I will not answer. Silence is all I can do now. It will work. His ego can only take it for so long. This crap is tough. Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 7:19am
Daisy, you are so strong! You handled X-AP so well. Look at the crying as a cleansing of your soul and with each tear more of the old dreams wash away. You are moving in the right direction and deserve so much more then he can or would ever give you!!! I am incredibly proud of you!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 10:44am


You should be proud because you did so well keeping LC (only discussing business).

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 11:48am

Wow Daisy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 12:54pm
Daisy, sweetheart, this crap *is* tough. But you did an amazing job and should be very, very proud of yourself. Keep it up Daisy, you can do it this time! You can, girlie!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 5:55pm
Thank you E1,Lu and Rain!! I kept second guessing myself on if I said the right things. Guess that's normal. This is tough when you are both separated from spouses. Good idea on the contract, but I fear that will mean more contact than necessary. I guess I will see how next month goes for payment. I have 5 years to file, 10 to collect. So no worries there. I have quit crying for now, started to feel awful because he looked awful. This has been such a public nightmare. But I got out my list of things he did that were not so nice and that seemed to do the trick. Within weeks I will see his sister at school. Remember she lives in my town, our children go to school together. I assume I will be asked some questions by her...she's intimidating. But I am good now, on to the next LC with his sister. Good grief. There are times I sit back and say...I couldn't have screwed this up more if I tried. It is such a small world when you get down to it. Something you don't think about till the aftermath is sitting in your lap. Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 5:59pm
Oh gosh!! And thank you Sunny too!! You answered so quick and I calmed down on if I said the right things! ((((hug)))) Daisy
Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 6:11pm
Oh sweet Daisy,

I am SO, SO proud of you! :)

You were so brave to go and file - and you made it through the contact beautifully. :)

Think about two things right now, okay?

1. Funny that he has $500 for you *now*, but it took you filing to see that money. Money that he could have dropped in an envelope to you at any time. But no, he waits until you've actually filed papers to get it before he hands any of it over. As the Church Lady would say, "how conveeeeeeeeenient!"

Chances are good that right now, he does not believe you, that if he misses a month, you will file. My guess is that he will make it a game of "chicken" with you - to see if you flinch first or not. So, be strong sweet pea - and remain committed to not letting him slide on that one. And yes, be prepared for the possibility of more contact. For him to call, under the guise of "well I'm calling to say that I will be late with the payment this month, blah blah blah". Let it go to VM, let him leave his message, and if that message is that he will be late - then you know what to do.

2. All he asked for was 30 days - except those 30 days have been over with. It's been longer than 30 days - and if he hadn't run into you, then you still wouldn't have heard from him, it seems. He can't play the hurt puppy card of "oh, all I asked for was 30 days" because he didn't contact you at the end of that 30 days. That makes his hurt puppy argument INVALID.

You know? He can yap all he wants to - it doesn't change the facts. And the facts are that he owes you money (and didn't send a dime) and that he asked for a specific period of time (and allowed that to pass - and more). His words do not match his actions, in either instance - so that makes him kind of full of sh....

In my never humble opinion, of course.

You've got this, sweetheart. I know it's hard - but you are doing great.




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 4:33am
Daisy, you are a rock star! Way to go! You handled that with poise, grace and self-respect and the strong and capable woman inside you just grew a little stronger. So proud of you honey.