I miss him so much and I have no one to talk to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2012
I miss him so much and I have no one to talk to.
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 9:41pm

Its been 8 mos. of NC.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Your story is very similar to mine, except we did not have a d-day.
And my nickname is Jezabel. :)
I am in the middle of getting my DD to go away for the weekend so I don't have much time now but I wanted to respond so you know you have been heard.
More later....
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 10:28am
Hi Jez.
I met my xAP almost 13 years ago. We worked for the same company, in different cities, and met at some intense training at an isolated.facility. I am still friends with a number of the other men too. 18 men, me and one other woman who dropped out of the business early.
It was a very bonding experience.
We were very good friends for 10 years before the A started.
I miss his friendship fiercely.
But I don't miss the way the A made me feel.
I am 10.5 months out of the A but only 3 months NC. I had gotten to 4 months and then he fiahed and I spent three months in "trying to be best friends again" hell.

So, now you have someone to talk to. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2011
Hi Jez. I too had a wonderful friendship for years until we blew it and crossed lines. I was in the A for 4+ years, very intense in every way..talked every day, Etc. I introduced xap to hobbies he still maintains, they I have stopped because they painfully make me miss him. He became friends with some of mine, I now ignore them for the same reasons. My xap was s, I am m. He wanted more, I couldn't do it. I miss him every day. He ended it 7 months ago, but we were LC due to work until 6 wks ago, now total NC. It hurts. Every day.

I had told nobody. I was so afraid of judgement from friends, rejection even. I recently found it overwhelming to keep a strong, fake, happy face. I told a friend. I knew she would not judge, even though we are not super close. It was better than I hoped. She was awesome, followed up our talk with caring emails, etc. It was freeing to have at least one friend in RL to talk to.

Can you find that someone? And of course you have Rain now, too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2012

Thanks Gypsy and Jez.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 10:18pm
Hi sweetness, I have been with my H 20 years this year too. xAP often wondered aloud what would have happened had we met "a different time, a different place".
But I have decided that I am grateful I met H first.
Had I met xAP first, maybe he would have been cheating on*me* now. I like to think not, but.....

It is super hard to lose someone you have such a connection with, I know.

I'm trying to be grateful for what I do have too though. A faithful H who loves me.

It gets easier if you find someone to talk to about it.
Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 11:02pm
Hi Jez, and welcome to the board!

As you can see already - you're not alone in your situation, and there is much support to be had here.

I know it's hard - but it will get easier, I promise.

Hugs to you,



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 11:48am
Hi Jezebel. I can empathize with how you are feeling and boy does it suck. My xap and I used to talk all day everyday about silly stuff, our deepest darkest secrets and everything in between. I haven't seen xap in over a year and have been NC for a little over 8 months too. It has been a huge transition for me. I've found that there is no longer any one person that I can reach out to about everything, but I've also realized that was a little codependent in the first place. I've learned to reach out more to my H about certain things, RL friends & family for certain things and online buddies and boards for others. I also recently joined a writing workshop which has been really affirming - the others in the class have no choice but listening to me. :).
I still feel lonely sometime that I no longer have that one BFF that I can tell everything and who tells me everything too, but working to deepen the relationships I have and form new ones really does help. Don't forget that we are always here for you to talk to also... And we can appreciate funny things you find on the Internet too. ;)

Much love,