Little things that hurt...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
Little things that hurt...
13
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 12:07pm
Like going into my phones contact page to look up a # and NOT seeing ap's name, my doing because I BLOCKED, but it still felt like my heart sank...
No more contact, erase, delete, and walk. I know what i have to do, but man this isn't easy!

Sometimes love just isn't enough.... NC since 7-30-14

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Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 1:33pm
It is certainly NOT easy, BK. But absolutely necessary for your survival outside of the A-hole. Good job for coming here to post about the hurt you are experiencing. It is part of the grieving process when we go through the end of something that we held onto so tightly. We are all here for you and will support you through your hurt. Little, baby steps forward. You are making great choices to have erased, deleted and walked. Even though the pain is intense for you right now, you are taking steps to preserve your dignity and you are being true and honest to yourself! :) That, my dear, is incredibly commendable.

Hang in there and keep us posted on how you are doing. Here's hoping that your Monday will have some bright and sunny spots that shine through for you!!

Hearts <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 1:49pm
Thank you hearts :) You know, this time around, idk it must be my 4th attempt, I feel done, I feel committed, and i feel ready to do the hard work.
I don't feel like I'm romanticizing the A anymore, and while i do feel that I may have loved him, I know that he wasn't mine, never was, never will be, and i see how wrong it was for me to be in it.
In the end he was growing frustrated with my emotions, he wanted me to be okay with the way things were, take it or leave it attitude, I'm kinda holding onto that, it hurt, but was an eye opener, so i chose ME, to walk away, and it feels good that I was strong enough and had enough self respect to do it.

Sometimes love just isn't enough.... NC since 7-30-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 2:55pm
Good for you! You ARE strong enough and sound so determined this time.
Try and think short-term versus long-term, BK. I know right now it hurts badly ... we all do. All of those little things...My toughest time used to be Mondays. That day had significance for me with xAP and every Monday was torturous for a long time. The sting has really subsided and while I still usually feel the most sad for him on this day each week, some weeks I hardly realize it is 'Monday', as far as what it used to mean for me. I just had to let time pass and pass and pass.

Fortunately for me, I had an xAP who really broke off contact and sticks to it, so there is no relapsing into an A for me and no steps backward with contact. So I have been given a gift of simple time passing which continues to work its magic in lessening the stings of triggers and reminders. I did a few things such as change the little sound my phone makes when I receive an email because it drove me crazy and I associated with him. i removed cell #, email, etc etc. I drive a different way to certain places when I can so that I don't pass by his office and look for his car.

I hope you give yourself the gift of time, because as everyone will say, NC NC NC works works works. For me it took a long time but I got there. Hugs to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 3:38pm
Thank you miss :) you gave me a GREAT idea with the text/ring tones...going to change them now. I keep trying to make sure I've thought of EVERYTHING to avoid those triggers from happening!
The less reminders the better.

Sometimes love just isn't enough.... NC since 7-30-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2011
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 3:44pm

Good for you!

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 10:03pm
How are you doing honey?

I'm so glad you're posting. :)

I know none of this is easy - but we're here, and we'll do our best to help with the hard parts.

Hugs,

Kim

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
Sat, 04-21-2012 - 6:18am
Hi kim!
Welcome home :)
I'm doing okay for the most part, I've accepted the fact that its over, and I'm dealing with the emotions and the pain head on. I want it this time, that's the big difference, I don't have thoughts of wanting him back, I don't EVER want to go down into the A hole again, just dealing with all the "stuff" that comes with the ending, the guilt, the whys, the how could he/we of it all right now, the unanswered ...I know its necessary though to heal, so i just keep pushing forward ...
Thanks for reaching out and thinking of me :)

Sometimes love just isn't enough.... NC since 7-30-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2011
Sat, 04-21-2012 - 8:42am

I love the tip about the change in message tones - am doing that one as we speak!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Sat, 04-21-2012 - 9:11am
that changed things for me immediately! seems so small but has a very big impact.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Sat, 04-21-2012 - 9:16am

I love the tip about the change in message tones - am doing that one as we speak!

This was HUGE for me. Did it as soon as I saw the tip. Now? When I get a message? I'm like.."ooh..listen to my cool message tone., and I check..without the let-down that it's not xAP.

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

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