My AP contacted me last week! I thought I'd never hear from him again

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2013
My AP contacted me last week! I thought I'd never hear from him again
Thu, 01-30-2014 - 6:03pm

Ok so I had an affair and I caught feelings for him big time and now my husband filed for divorce two weeks ago and I am completely alright with him divorcing me for cheating on him like I did and I confessed that I had had an affair.  Well back in October of last year was the last time I saw my AP and I figured I would never ever hear from him again.  I secretly hoped that I would because I fell in love with him while I was married to my husband of 14 years and I never really thought me and my AP would ever be together because he had a gf of 5 years and I was married but I still daydreamed about us getting to be together even if in reality I didn't think it would ever really happen.  Before last year I had never in my life cheated in any relationship I had ever been in but when I met my AP last year there was just some strange connection I felt with him.  People told me it was just lust and the excitement of having an affair.  Well anyways I really struggled for months since last October not to contact my AP and it was a hard fight for me daily not to do but I never did contact him because I really thought I could save my marraige.  The holidays were the worst because I thought by Christmas he would ask his gf to marry him.  Well I tried to save what was left of my marraige but it didn't work and my husband filed for divorce three weeks ago and last Friday I was getting my signature notarized on the divorce papers and left my phone in my car which I rarely ever do.  I was just so sad and forgot it when I was in signing the papers.  After I was done signing everything I was really down and looked at my phone and there it was...he sent me an email saying that he knew I didn't ever want to hear from him again but he was now single and had broken up with his gf.  I screamed so loud I'm sure people thought I was crazy.  I was then all of a sudden crying because I was so happy that he was still thinking about me.  He didn't ask to see me and had no clue that I was getting divorced.  When I told him I was getting divorced he thought it was also strange at the timing of him and I now both being single at the same time now.  He knows I need to heal from my divorce and asked if I was handling it alright and seemed concerned.  I told a close friend of mine about the timing and she said that she thinks that subconciously we both were trying to become single so we could try and have a normal relationship without having to sneak around all of the time.  I am not going to jump into a relationship again even tho this one was kinda still going on I guess but I thought it had ended in October.  I just can't help but feel so happy that he contacted me and had been thinking about me this entire time like I was thinking about him.  After I met him I thought OMG I have actually found my soul mate and I'm never going to get to be with him because I'm married and he has a gf.  Neither one of us ever asked the other to breakup with their signifigant other.  I just felt so good knowing that he just didn't move on and forget about me.  I was having such a hard time trying to understand how he could have just let go of me so easily.