My long-awaited post...:)

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
My long-awaited post...:)
6
Wed, 03-28-2012 - 1:57pm
Hello everyone,
And I would especially like to send out welcomes to all who are new to this board or lurking. :) This is an awesome place. Visit often. ;)
So, for those of you who don't know my story, I am a MW of almost 19 years, 4 kiddos ranging in age from almost 9 to almost 18, and my M has been going through a transformation since Feb. 23, 2011. It was on that day that my DH got blind-sided with a letter from xap #1, informing him of his wife's almost two year A with him. I am sad to say that I had two A's, the second was shorter lived, but no less dangerous. D-Day was that opportunity I needed to come clean and become a sober, self-loving person again.
So, here are my thoughts on the past few weeks of growth and self-reflection...
I have made a new motto for myself. NC = No Curiosity. I have remained No Contact with both men...that really is not my struggle. My struggle lies in that innate sense of curiosity as to what xap is up to or how he is doing. And it simply DOES NOT MATTER. Over one year out of this nonsense style of A living and thinking, I am certainly not struggling with this to a point where I am going backwards. But I never want to think that "I've got this", or "I'm doing just fine now," because it is those thoughts that set my pride-a-puffing. So, I had a good talk with H about it, and he agreed to be my accountability partner on this one. Just as I am his on the whole porn issue. We both need to be proactive here, if this M is going to stand strong and survive. We both want it to.
And I saw xap #1 on Thursday of last week...from afar. I was on a pedestrian bridge downtown and he was driving the campus buses. Wouldn't have known it was him had he not been wearing the shirt that I wish I hadn't recognized. Thankfully, it was raining that day and I had an umbrella that I conveniently hid behind. I didn't react like I did the time back in December when he drove right in front of me with his car...so progress is being made. I did tell my H about it and he thanked me for being so honest with him. This deception thing is getting the axe! I rejoice in my new honest life. :)

((((HUGS)))) to all,
Hearts <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2011
Wed, 03-28-2012 - 2:55pm
Thanks Hearts, I have been reading on here for a while so know part of your strory. I'm so glad you have got to a place where you can be honest, you sound like you have a very supportive H. Your story gives hope though...hope to the likes of me who seem to be making a mess of things. I'll get there though.
Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Wed, 03-28-2012 - 4:49pm

It's great to see things working for you.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 8:42am
Hearts...I am so happy for you! Happy for your new stress free life from having a secret. Totally impressed at how you communicate with your H and ask for his help in your accountability. Asking for help gets such a bad rap. It is viewed as weakness in our society. If I had not asked for help, well, I wouldn't be here. It was that bad. You sound good, you sound healthy, you sound like you know where your work is and I am just so friggin happy for you! and your H, and your children, and your dog...do you have a dog? Lol. Daisy
Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 11:53am
lol...Daisy, we DO have a dog. :) And two rabbits, one guinea pig, a hermit crab and a Betta fish. lol. We are one pet-lovin' family! I do feel healthy. It is a good feeling. A bit sad today after hearing the tragic news about Iddy, though. :( We have to remain strong. She taught us all an amazing amount of incredible info, and gave us a wonderful example to follow.

Hearts <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 7:54am
Heart, happy your journey is bring you back to a peaceful place. The lessons learned will not be forgotten and you are growing stronger everyday! You rock and inspire many of us! I always say, be true to you! And you are doing just that! Hugs!
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 2:29am
great post! nc = no curiosity, how awesome is that. exactly - doesn't matter! I've been rejoicing in a more honest life too but some stuff is still hidden. but your post hits home in a few ways. thank you for sharing.this and inspiring me.